Friday, February 15, 2013

Sooo, if you haven't read Feb. 14th's blog post read that one first then you will know why I am now "going backwards."
 Tay was made a Teacher - now 14!!!  Grateful that Chris was able to ordain him:) 
Meg taught the Relief Society lesson.  She did a great job, she was soooo nervous.  She made a very cute handout and did the cucumber/pickle object lesson (lesson 3).  Dakota's mom and sister were kind enough to come and support her (I mean make her even more nervous - lol).  My primary partner was kind enough to do the lesson so I could listen to Meg.  I haven't been in Relief Society for 8 years - felt weird:)  I got to do a lot more talking than I wanted to.  It was a very quiet group.  She did wonderful and I was sooo proud of her.  What an amazing woman she is becoming:):)  The count down is at 48 days til she leaves.  she lets us know everyday the number. lol.  She got a job.  Orientation was on Wed. and she started Thurs.  She is working at a McDonald's closer to home.  she came home yesterday and told us that she works with a lot of Ryan's friends (she still thinks that the pants make "her look fat" but at least she wasn't crying. hee, hee).  She just needed something to keep her busy, make money and get her to stop driving us crazy "I want to go now," "Why can't I go now?"........it gets a little annoying (just a little!!!!!!!!)  Yes, we will miss her when she's gone:)  Last night we had r family Valentine dinner and Meg said "I don't remember having one last year."  That's cause she was in China - time flies!!  She was still "eating gross stuff" then it grew on her:):)
Last week my dad was kind enough to come over and fix my dishwasher - can't live without one of those!!!  And..... I was shopping in a store that had their light fixtures from $50 to $5 so I snagged two of them for my house.  One by the front door and one over the kitchen sink.  Sooo, my dad being a handy man put in one of them (I sprung this project on him so he hadn't left enough time for both) up and said he'd come back tomorrow to do the other.  In the mean time Dakota's mom (her name is Angie) comes over to bring Meg a gallon of ice cream to thank her for fixing Dakota's dads pants.  Meg sews:):)  She sees my lights.  She mentions that her husband is an electrician (which I didn't know).  Less than an hour later Angie and her family show up on my doorstep, her husband with his tools and installs the other light fixture.  Lucky, lucky me!!!  I say "if" but Meg says "when" she marries Dakota not only is Meg lucky but so am I to have a wonderful family who comes along with him.  They are a great family.  I just didn't know also "handy" lol.  Meg's "plan" is for Dakota and his family, and r family to fly to Portugal to pick her up after her mission and then hop on a plane to Spain so that she and Dakota can be married in the Spain Temple.:):):):)  Better start saving your pennies for those of you who want to attend.  She has also shown me her pinterest page that has all of the things I'm suppose to do for the reception - so Angie and I can start on them while she is gone.  did I mention she's trying to "kill me??!!":):)
Today, I take Chris to the hospital to have his stitches taken out (port).  He ate some lasagna last night but it came back up.  this morning he had a yogurt and I haven't heard any barfing noises.  It's been very difficult to see and hear him.  I don't like feeling helpless.  I wish that I could take some of the pain ( you know me "some" not "all":) away.  When he was having chemo on Tues he talked to this couple that the husband was just starting his first round and Chris gave him a big pep talk.  Chris didn't think that his first round would be so hard on him.  Soooooooooo hard to watch the one you love "your best friend" suffer.  I have thanked him for going through all this pain so that we can keep him with us.  He's just in sooo much pain.  He looks sooo skinny.  I am glad that I let him have r room.  He sleeps right in the middle of the bed curled up in a fetal position:(  He is able to watch tv any time of night and walk around without worrying about disturbing me.  I hope that he is well enough to teach his Gospel Doctrine class (which he loves teaching) and it is also the Priesthood Preview for Jacob (can you believe it???!!!!!!)  he will be 12 on Dec. 24th!!!!
Thank goodness this coming week is much quieter than the last two we've had.  Jacob and Katie have SEP's on Wednesday and I feed the teachers Thursday.  Tender mercy I received - I have plenty of money still  in my budget to still spend (you don't spend it, or you lose it) so instead of making dinner for the teachers I am buying them Olive Garden.  Because of year round school I have to do this twice:):)  So, now all I have to do is pick it up. lol.
No school Monday. Long three day weekend to rest:)  Yippeee.
"And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness." 2 Nephi 5:27
Love ya, Ricki

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Quick update on Chris..... he had chemo on Tuesday.  He lost 4 lbs from week before (now 177).  We stayed at Huntsman from 10-2:30.  Walked out to the car and Chris started throwing up.  Every stop he threw up.  He threw up most of the night and into Wednesday.  He didn't sleep at all Tuesday night.  He finally let me call the nurse and ask for fluids, something for the throwing up and the migraine headache he now had.  He kept trying to take anti-nausea meds and loratab but they didn't stay down long enough to do any good. We got to the hospital at 3 and they rehydtrated him and gave him some zofran.  He came home and tried to sleep but couldn't.  As of this morning he hasn't eaten (still dry heaving) and hasn't slept much (I just talked to him:(  I'm not sure what today will bring.  He has his pump on it's suppose to be taken off sometime after noon. 
Last night was maturation for Jacob.  (sorry, now the tears flow) You're suppose to go with your dad and if the date had stayed Jan 24th instead of being moved to Feb 13th we would have been fine.  I took Jacob (kicking and screaming) I told him that if there weren't any other mothers that we would leave.  We walked in and there were three other mothers so we stayed.  He had a very angry face on and I tried to tickle him, put my arm around him.... he would have none of it.  Half way through we see Chris come in.  He looks AWFUL!!! He comes and sits by us.  Jacobs face LIGHTS up, a total change of attitude.  I find out that Chris WALKED up to the school (we have a large hill to walk up and school is probably half mile - fine for people who aren't sick, also very, very cold outside - we were out of cars, Rye at work, Meg gone and me up at the school). I sobbed when I saw him and cried even harder when I realized the sacrifice he made to get there.  He sat by us for awhile and then needed to throw up so he left.  He came back and stood in the back of the room.  Chris to other people would look like he had the flu - the guy standing next to him looked uneasy (no one wants to get sick) until I mouthed to him that Chris had cancer.  After that he was very kind and asked Chris if he needed anything and would give me the thumbs up sign:)  After the class Chris just wanted to go so Jacob grabbed his goodie bag and we left.  I dropped Chris off at home and took Jacob to Chick fil a for a milkshake.  Worked out great I also checked on the red car that had had a flat tire and that Meg and Rye pumped up so Rye could get to work (I was at hospital-nothing like not being home:( and I hadn't seen Rye all day).  Got Jacob his milkshake and Rye tells me car is in the red line on the gas meter he doesn't think he can get home. Soooooo, Jacob and I take the car and go to the gas station and fill it up then return it back to him.
It's now 8 pm.  My dad was kind enough to take Chris to the hospital to get the pump off while my mother and I did the chocolate fountain for Jacobs class.  My mom is amazing she has this thing down to a science:)  She even brought a shower curtain that we cut in half  - placing half on floor and half on the counter.  After Jacobs party I headed to Katie's party.  My sweet mother went back to my house and washed out the fountain for me - you don't want to try and clean it after the chocolate has hardened - big, big pain!! Thanks sooo much mom and dad you guys are amazing!!!  Love ya
  Tay stayed home sick again today.  He had a doctor's appointment at 4:15 because he had all the signs of strep.   GO AROUND TWO!!!!  Tay has STREP - AGAIN!!!  It has been a very, very, very long and full day.  I can't wait to lay my head on my pillow.  Meg and Jacob both had melt downs this morning.  Meg about starting a new job and that her "pants made her look fat."  Jacob, because he couldn't get his contacts in.  We have to "reschedule" ourselves due to Meg and her work schedule.  She has to be to work at 9 am so she is "in r way!!"  Will do better tomorrow:)
  Broke my heart - Katie said to Chris this morning "Am I going to have to do what you're doing when I get older?"  (yep, more tears)  We tried to reassure her that she probably wouldn't have to.  It is very stressful around her right now.  Chris is in tons of pain.  Therefore, crabby.  He wants quiet, not to be touched, no fighting, got mad at Meg because she "smelled bad" (she had just come back from running outside), can't sit long, throws up, can't eat, smells bother him, can't sleep........ I have to keep telling myself to "hang on"  "tie the knot, hang on" there is no one else to get everything done.  I feel like I am letting people down.  I didn't do very well taking care of Tay these past few days - Chris first.  I pray that we all make it through this.  That Chris can find the relief that he needs from chemo so that he can be comfortable.  and I pray that the rest of us learn and grow, become closer and better people.  I'm feeling tired and overwhelmed.  Knowing that I need to handle things gracefully that the Lord won't give me anything that I can't handle.  One day I will look back and cherish these days (someday:) and I'm sure that I will look back and feel like I should have done better than I am now.  I did get r Valentine's dinner done: lasagna, green salad, raspberry jello, pink milk, pink rolls and for dessert I let the kids dip their own strawberries and fortune cookies into either milk, dark or white chocolate.  Chris stayed long enough for a picture and then disappeared.  Things can only get better.  Keep praying for Chris.  He's in sooo much pain.
Happy Valentine's Day!  Love ya, Ricki

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Crazy but today its been one year since Meg left us for China.  Time flies!!!! One year ago I was crying like a baby.  Soo, nervous, scared, excited for her and her new adventure, and soon she will be leaving us again for another adventure - - Portugal. April 3rd.  She and my mom have been working very hard on getting things bought (I've been lucky enough to have sick kids:( she has a lovely plum colored winter coat, blue raincoat, good walking shoes.... She continues to read her Book of Mormon in Portuguese along with listening to it on CD.  It's a lot of work to get ready.  Her mission farewell will be March 24th. She shows me blogs of other sisters there in Portugal and I cry.....another adventure that will just make her a better person.
Rye had a great time at Sweethearts.  They went to a trampoline place during the day and then a big group of them went to a Mexican restaurant for dinner then to the dance and then to a friends house and watched a movie.  It was soo nice that Rye went with a girl that has the same standards as him.  She had to group date, parents had to be home at friends house, good movie to watch and had to be home by midnight. Ahhh, soo nice.
Since Sunday I have had 3 sick kids.  Jacob came down with the flu and Katie and Megan got strep throat.  Soooo, if you are counting that is 6 out of 7 of us that have had strep.  We are still trying r best to keep it away from Chris and to keep it from spreading around us again.  Tuesday and Wednesday Megan was lucky enough to take care of Jacob and Katie so that I could be with Chris. As of today Jacob and Katie are still on the mend.  They haven't been to school all week:(  Hopefully tomorrow.  I was sleeping in the boys room because there was more room on the floor but I had to switch to the girls because Jacob's coughing was driving me crazy and.....his talking in his sleep.  He yells at Katie a lot.  I don't know how Tay stands it. lol.  Meg cleaned up the room so I am now sleeping with "the girls" again.  When Chris has his chemo I would have moved anyway... the pump he wears is very noisy and vibrates the bed when it touches the mattress. Loads of fun:):)
Last night was the Blue and Gold banquet for Cub Scouts.  Bitter sweet.  It was my last pack meeting that I will ever attend. No more boys in cub scouts.  We have been going for years!!! The women that put it together did a fantastic job.  Decorations were so cute and the arrow that Jacob received was very cool.  They even roped Tay into helping.  He did the scout oath and motto (Rye had to work).  I was very grateful that Chris was able to go he had had a long day.  He was even in the kitchen cutting up hoagie sandwiches for the dinner. Thanks cub scout committee for a wonderful evening.
Last week I got to meet with the principal of the middle school, Taylor and one of his teachers.  Since the beginning of school Tay has been in a class that doesn't respect their teacher.  They dance on the tables, talk disrespectfully to her, etc..... a very naughty class.  I have spoken with the administration a few times and they have been good about helping but for some reason last week things spiraled out of control.  The teacher decided that because the class was soo bad that she was going to punish the whole class by giving them a pop quiz.  My sweet, quiet Tay decided that he had had enough of being punished for the actions of others.  He stood up, told the teacher "No" tore up the test and threw it in the garbage.  Because I was sleeping in the boys room that night I was lucky enough that Tay spilled his guts (at about 10 pm when we were suppose to be sleeping. lol.).  Through this whole year Tay and I have just wanted the kids to be respectful to the teacher and to learn that she is of value not to let others treat her that way.  She is a great teacher and Tay enjoys her and her class (when they are behaving).  We talked about switching out of her class at the beginning of the year but Tay didn't want to leave the other good kids to defend themselves.  Needless to say.  The whole thing was quite the experience.  Tay can handle a lot but when he finally feels like he's had enough he's going to blow.  Watch out. lol.
Finally, onto Chris and his two days of torture:):)  Monday night turned into an emotional evening.  The hospital called to tell us that we would owe $1100 the day of the port.  It's a new year, we start over with insurance deductible.  I called insurance to see how it works.  The lady said that we pay first $2200 and then after that we only pay copays. Chris gave us the "we don't have the money."  I should just go on hospice and die." "I'm not worth it" "I don't want to go into debt and put it on the credit card or borrow money from family" The last two were my suggestions.  I know we have plenty of family members that would loan me the money and then I'd pay it back after he died from the life insurance money.  I swear he's trying to kill me!!!!!  Sooo.... then we had decisions to make.  PET scan cost $6,000 just by itself so there is the $2200 all by itself.  Tuesday morning we went for the PET scan.  He was very sick afterwards.  Shhhh don't tell (he doesn't read the blog), I called the doctor and asked him if we brought the scan over now if he would look at it and tell us if he thought we should put the port in or go on hospice.  Dr. Whisenant was very kind he looked at the scan - tumors everywhere  except in the kidneys and bladder.  He said that he would go through with chemo that he hoped that that would alleviate some of Chris' pain.  He was very sick that night - threw up, lots of pain:(
Wednesday, kids sick and Meg was kind enough to take care of them (so we missed breakfast with books).  Chris appointment was at 9.  We sat in three different rooms and they didn't wheel Chris away until 11.  I wasn't to happy I had a PTA meeting at 2 that I needed to be there for because we needed enough people to do some voting for and the Blue and Gold banquet that night I was in charge of food and feeling guilty leaving two sick kids at home (nothing like having your mom).  I say "if I'm on time so should you!!" lol. It takes time for the surgery and then after you have to wait to "come out" of it.  The whole thing was an hour behind.  While I was waiting for Chris to "come out" of it so we could go I over heard the doctor speaking to the people next to us because he was talking loudly (the man that had the procedure wore hearing aids but didn't have them in) he said to the man (I don't know his name) that he was sorry but that he had pancreatic cancer and maybe had about 6 months to live.  I immediately stood up and moved closer to the curtain separating us.  I had told Chris earlier before he went into surgery that the couple next to us looked familiar but I couldn't figure out where I had seen them.  They started asking a lot of questions especially about good surgeons.  then they mentioned Dr. Whisenant's name and I immediately appeared on their side of the curtain (my hands are sweating as I type this - me and my forwardness - I make myself nervous. lol).  I knew exactly where I had seen them.  The doctor this whole time had been very negative, the woman was crying.  I introduced myself (with the doctor giving me a crabby look) and told her about Chris.  That I could give her a wonderful surgeons name and that we went to Dr. Whisenant.  the doctor proceeded to tell me to go away "that we have hippa laws" and basically to "mind my own business" as he was pulling the curtain closed in front of me. I somewhat politely told him that I wasn't leaving that I had been through this same hell and I was staying.  The woman asked me to stay.  I quietly stood beside her and when the doctor was through I gave her Dr. Ott's phone number and she asked for my name and number.  She and her husband came over and spoke with Chris.  She and I hugged.  I know why Chris' surgery was an hour late.  I remember going through all of that.  We didn't know anything.  No one to tell us who the best surgeon was - you only want the best for your loved one.  What the next step is........... Thankfully this man has lived a full life - 7 girls and 16 grand kids.  I hope that when he thinks about what he has to go through he remembers Chris and that Chris won't get to grow old.  That he (the man)  has lived a good life - whatever choice he makes.  After they left Chris and I talked about that.  Chris has never thought about "growing old" 30-40 more years of life because he knows it isn't going to happen. Stinks for me I have tooooo!!!   I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for letting Chris and I be there.  right place.  right time.  I don't even know their names or if we will ever see or hear from them again.  But that one phone number to the "best surgeon" (Chris is still alive after almost 4 years from his whipple - March 9).  We think Chris is prove that Dr. Ott is pretty awesome. lol.
Found this quote this morning:  "No matter how many times I break down, there is always a little piece of me that says NO, you're not done yet Get BACK UP!!!"
Love ya all, Ricki