Chris had chemo Thursday. He gained 4 pounds. His blood cell count was down but again doctor said do it anyway. He talked to us about Chris quitting work soon. He said that he felt that these were going to be Chris' last few good months. He also had us schedule a PET scan for November 8th. I told the kids what the doctor said and Rye said "good months?" and then he talked about how dad's not the same. He is always sleeping, throwing up, laying down, doesn't play with them or visit with other people anymore, ornery (because of pain), everyone is afraid to touch him because of pain, and kids have to be quieter so that dad can rest. It broke my heart. I thought I was the only one that noticed these things. Chris tries so hard but, he is sick. The cancer is eating away at his body, and chemo doesn't help by making him even more sick. He has told me a number of times that "he is ready to go" he is "sorry to leave us" but that he just can't be in this body anymore.
I know Chris isn't ready to quit working. He enjoys the work and the people. He would be reallyyyyy bored at home. I know he would really like to hang on until January 1st so that he can get the bonus/incentive that he has almost earned (have to work all year). He keeps saying that he needs to do this for "us" he is worried about leaving us with enough money. He has talked about taking half of his life insurance policy out now so that he can pay the house off. I'm not sure that he trusts that I will after he's dead:) I do keep telling him that I am buying all new flooring for our house after he's dead - since he won't let me now. Hee, hee. Oh, and a new king sized pillow top mattress:) :)
Chris went to work Friday even though he felt absolutely horrible. He came to Meg and Rye's cross country meet. He did a lot of yelling and walking:)
This weekend was nice not crazy stressful like other weekends. Watched conference, Tay's flag football game, watched more conference. I enjoyed Saturday afternoon session speaker that talked about trials building character. Can't wait to read it. Then Chris, Rye, and friends went to the priesthood session and out to eat afterwards. I cried a lot, wondering what will happen next April conference. Will I be taking Chris in a wheel chair and my two boys? or will Chris be gone?
Chris has been very exhausted this weekend and done a lot of throwing up. He is still taking his shots twice a day (thanks to all of you who keep reminding him to take his shot, he loves it:) hee, hee - I just get yelled at when he gets home) and he continues to need pain pills:(
He has chemo Thursday.
I am so grateful for general conference reminds me of what I should be doing and to be grateful for all that I have.
Love ya, Ricki