I know I haven't written for a while and wayyyyyyy wayyyy to much has happened since then.  But as of March 22 Chris went on Hospice.  He is in TONS and TONS of pain.  He takes a lot of pain meds which isn't like him but the pain is so intense.  He doesn't want to be totally drugged yet.  He weighs 137 pounds (at 6 feet tall), the tumor in his neck is HUGE.  It is cutting into his vocal chords which makes it hard for him to talk - and when he does it sounds like he is angry.  The tumor in his groin is also HUGE.  He looks like an Ethiopian - you can see all his ribs and his shoulder blades. makes me cry.  His left thigh is swollen.  It's HUGE he is just about to the point where he can't wear pants because his thigh is so big.  He sleeps a lot. 
A few weeks ago the mission president emailed me and said that "he felt that Sister Wach and her father needed to Skype"  I asked the mission president if Sister Wach could please call instead.  I didn't want her to remember her father the way he looks now.  I want her to remember him last year at this time when we took family pictures before she left (which April 3rd is her one year mark!!!)  Chris was very tired as he talked to her.  I put it on speaker phone so that I could help out.  He told her that he was proud of her, he loved her and that she wasn't to come home for his funeral - that that day she was to work even harder and let others know about the plan of salvation.  Meg ended by saying "dad I expect you to come and visit me!!"  It was a hard call but I am so grateful for the mission president and him being in tune with the spirit.
Ryan is almost done with his mission paperwork.  I was trying to get it done before Chris died so that he could be part of the fun (on this side of the veil) but he will just have to cheer from his side.  I need Ryan to be an Elder by May 31st when Katie gets baptized.  If he is an Elder he can baptize her and give her the gift of the holy ghost which would be totally awesome because it came from Chris.
Sunday, March 23rd Chris wanted to go to church early and say "good bye" to everyone in the ward.  Just in case he couldn't get out of bed to come. He wanted us to come thirty minutes early.  Which worked out great because it was ward conference and the primary was to sing before church started.  So, Chris got to hear Katie sing and then Rye blessed the sacrament, Tay and Jacob passed and Tay passed the bread and water to Chris.  It was very touching.  After the sacrament I took Chris home.  That's all he can take because of the pain.  He uses a wheel chair and has a shower chair in the bath tub.  Sunday, March 30th Chris went up and bore his testimony in sacrament meeting.  No dry eyes in the place:( 
Today, Katie asked me "will we ever be happy again?"  Tay has been practicing Taps on his trumpet so that he can play it at the graveside (that is what Chris wanted) and Jacob has been practicing "If I were a Rich Man" from Fiddler on the Roof on his violin (another thing Chris wanted). Chris' brother David died on January 29th (Tay's bday).  Chris and I flew up to OR (Chris could have never made the 12 hour trip there and 12 hours back in the car).  Chris gave the Plan of Salvation talk which I video taped - and so Chris will give his own talk at his funeral.
We have been struggling with insurance companies.  When we went to are last doctor's appointment the patient advocate pulled us in her office and told us that we had about $100,000 in unpaid bills that hadn't been paid since August.  That "no one" was paying.  We thought we had Medicare as primary and Blue Cross Blue Shield as secondary.  Wellllllll.... who knows what happened but the two of them have been fighting about who pays.  So, for two days I couldn't eat or sleep!!!  We finally got a hold of a person "who cared" (after being on the phone for 6 hours one day - and getting NO WHERE).  She emailed us paperwork, we emailed it back and she said it would take about three weeks.  She hoped that Medicare would back pay everything, since we were suppose to be on it.  I spoke with are patient advocate and she said that if they didn't pay that she would ask the drug companies to pay for the chemo drugs and they would wave the doctor's fees.  We are still waiting to see what happens.  Chris and I have cried a lot.  Poor Chris especially - leaving his family in debt because of him.  We still have a week and a half before we should know anything.  Chris had wanted to do radiation on his hip to help with the pain but because of not knowing who was going to pay he decided to go on hospice so that he could still be seen by a doc and get his meds.  We had hoped that he would be able to get off of hospice but it doesn't look like that is what is going to happen.
If you want to say "good bye" to Chris I wouldn't wait to long.  Last night the social worker brought over a paper explaining what the signs were and Chris has three of them. He wanted to make it to are 24th wedding anniversary - April 13th but that is doubtful.
We no longer wish him to stay here on earth.  He is and has suffered soooo much in the past five years that we just hope that he goes quickly and without so much pain.  We are excited to think of him pain free and being greeted by so many people who love him.
Hospice brought over a kit that they call the "E kit" and we call the "death kit"  because of what is inside the box.  It's all liquid meds - things the nurse will use to prepare him to pass.  I cried when I opened it.
We are trying to "continue life as normal" but it is hard knowing that at any time Chris will be gone.  Sad but glad at the same time. 
Sorry, this has been all over the place but that's how my thoughts are at this time.  I know that I have probably forgotten to write things that I would have liked to have written but I don't have a lot of strength these days.  Five kids, a sick husband and I now work from home.  Thanks to Heavenly father and Jesus Christ I can get through this.  One day at a time.  I couldn't do this without them.  I know that they are carrying me as I struggle to do what needs to be done.  Life goes on even when you don't want it to.
Love, Ricki