Yesterday was Chris' doctors appointment. Doctor Whizenant asked questions and then did a physical examination on Chris which led to him finding a lump on Chris' left shoulder. Immediately the dr told us that that was not a good sign especially for how hard the lump was. He reminded us that research has shown that getting a blood clot (which Chris had in December) so late into chemo is a sign that another cancer is forming so.... on May 4th Chris will have a PET scan (full body scan), ultrasound, and they will biopsy the lump. He says it doesn't look good. Since he said that I haven't stopped crying (except when I'm in front of the kids) and have hardly slept. We aren't going to tell our children until we meet with dr again on May 10th. There is no reason to worry them especially since who knows maybe it will be really easy to fix:) He talked about radiation and other options but since we don't even know where the cancer is located (could be lymphoma) it's all just speculation. The tests and dr's visit are "far" away because Chris and I leave Sat. for a cruise to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. We will be gone 8 days. It is a blessing in disguise because then my children don't have to see me weep at everything. The week we have the tests done our dr is out of town celebrating his 15th wedding anniversary so that is why everything is sooo far away. Last night I video taped Chris and Rye working on Rye's Spanish project and I let the boys stay up till almost midnight watching the Jazz game, I taped them screaming at the tv and jumping up and down. I would not usually allow that on a school night but that is a memory that will be precious to us all. I know some of you have thought that I was crazy for not wanting to go on this cruise but I would like to explain myself, first of all when life changes like it has for us you see things differently. I feel guilty taking 8 days away from my children that they could be spending with Chris and I am a "worry wart" I feel that I have to take care of myself, not put myself in any danger because my children need one healthy parent. In case you are wondering how Chris is doing I don't really know, even the dr asked and he told him "it is, what it is" and then at the car he told me that "it might be time to checkout" We all know him positive and upbeat no matter what. He will do all he can to prepare us and make sure that we are going to be OK. Just another bump in the road.
I know that Heavenly Father doesn't give us anything we can't handle. "I never said it would be easy" but I have been given the greatest gift. To have the gospel- to KNOW who I am, to KNOW God's plan, to KNOW that I am never alone. I KNOW I signed up for this and therefore will put my best foot forward (after I'm done crying).
Keep those prayers coming!:) Love ya, Ricki

Chris' back is doing well. No basketball, lifting etc. for 3 months (ever if I'm in charge!!). We were suppose to have an appointment with Dr. Whizenant on the 9th but he went out of town so we have been rescheduled for the 19th, at which time we will ask him for a stronger pancreatic enzyme. The insurance company said "no" to seeing the oncology dietitian so I am filling out a petition that will go before a panel to see if they will approve Chris. If not I will probably ask the oncology dietitian if she will meet with us on our own and we will pay for it. Chris would really like to not be sick any more. He is wwaayy tired of it.
Both car accidents are now done and over with. Rye is doing better, he still has headaches once in awhile. We are grateful to his wonderful teachers at school who are looking out for him. Just takes time.:( Meg is doing great and enjoying track, she was so blessed to not get hurt either time. We still haven't found a car for Meg but grandpa is letting her borrow another one of his cars (Ahhh!)
All is well here, life is just moving along. Hard to believe the school year is almost over! And today Chris and I celebrate 20 years of marriage!!! Chris and I were married on Friday the 13th! In the Manti Temple. Chris was early and I was late-hee, hee. (poor guy little did he know what he was getting himself into:)
Take care, we love ya. Ricki