Yesterday was Chris' doctors appointment. Doctor Whizenant asked questions and then did a physical examination on Chris which led to him finding a lump on Chris' left shoulder. Immediately the dr told us that that was not a good sign especially for how hard the lump was. He reminded us that research has shown that getting a blood clot (which Chris had in December) so late into chemo is a sign that another cancer is forming so.... on May 4th Chris will have a PET scan (full body scan), ultrasound, and they will biopsy the lump. He says it doesn't look good. Since he said that I haven't stopped crying (except when I'm in front of the kids) and have hardly slept. We aren't going to tell our children until we meet with dr again on May 10th. There is no reason to worry them especially since who knows maybe it will be really easy to fix:) He talked about radiation and other options but since we don't even know where the cancer is located (could be lymphoma) it's all just speculation. The tests and dr's visit are "far" away because Chris and I leave Sat. for a cruise to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. We will be gone 8 days. It is a blessing in disguise because then my children don't have to see me weep at everything. The week we have the tests done our dr is out of town celebrating his 15th wedding anniversary so that is why everything is sooo far away. Last night I video taped Chris and Rye working on Rye's Spanish project and I let the boys stay up till almost midnight watching the Jazz game, I taped them screaming at the tv and jumping up and down. I would not usually allow that on a school night but that is a memory that will be precious to us all. I know some of you have thought that I was crazy for not wanting to go on this cruise but I would like to explain myself, first of all when life changes like it has for us you see things differently. I feel guilty taking 8 days away from my children that they could be spending with Chris and I am a "worry wart" I feel that I have to take care of myself, not put myself in any danger because my children need one healthy parent. In case you are wondering how Chris is doing I don't really know, even the dr asked and he told him "it is, what it is" and then at the car he told me that "it might be time to checkout" We all know him positive and upbeat no matter what. He will do all he can to prepare us and make sure that we are going to be OK. Just another bump in the road.
I know that Heavenly Father doesn't give us anything we can't handle. "I never said it would be easy" but I have been given the greatest gift. To have the gospel- to KNOW who I am, to KNOW God's plan, to KNOW that I am never alone. I KNOW I signed up for this and therefore will put my best foot forward (after I'm done crying).
Keep those prayers coming!:) Love ya, Ricki