We hope that everyone had a Merry Christmas. It has been a very busy week, glad it's over!! Last weekend I felt stressed out wondering if we were going to get this close and then Chris wouldn't be around to baptise Jacob but it was just another bump in the road to go around thank goodness. So at Jacobs baptism Thursday morning after he was baptised and confirmed I let out a "BIG" sigh. One momentous occasion down a lot more to go:) It was a beautiful baptism so many people contributed and sacrificed their time to make it special - Thank you!! A family in our ward made a wonderful luncheon for us it was delicious so much food. The mother had asked me if Jacob liked Mexican food I told them not really so she brought a cheese pizza just for him!! and then one of her daughters made a birthday cake for him a soccer ball - it was amazing looking. Words can not express the feelings of gratitude that we feel for so many people, people that we hadn't met (until Thurs) that took time away from their Xmas Eve to make ours extra, extra special. We will always remember this Xmas Eve fondly. Thank you again may you be extra blessed for your kindness to us:)
Christmas Eve evening was weird because Chris had to work. I still continued on with our family traditions. We watch Mr. Krueger's Xmas, Joy to the World, eat popcorn and then we read the scriptures. I missed my honey but kept reminding myself that he would be home soon. They actually let all of the employees go early 9pm. Chris was home by 9:30 just in time to help me wrestle them into bed:) Life is good:))
Christmas day had a different feel to it this year than last. Last year we thought that we only had months to be with Chris so their was a lot of crying and I video taped everything (with our new video recorder thanks to many of you:)) This year I cried because I was so happy that Chris was still here with us and hoping that this trial is over that Chris can continue to be with us and will experience different trials - less stressful ones:)) from now on.
He is still very, very tired. He is still also taking Lovenox every 12 hours 9am and 9pm so if any of you are with Chris during either of these times please remind him to "take his shot" ("Your wife said!!!")
Yesterday we went and saw Frog Princess. We enjoyed it, moved fast and was better than expected.
Hope all of you had a great Christmas and we sure do appreciate all of your thoughts, prayers, and generosity. We feel very blessed!

Yesterday Chris went back to work (WOW!!) he did OK but was very tired. When he came home he told me that he had been looking forward all day to the sing along. We had are free tickets to ride the Trax but after 2 trains went by completely full to totally stuffed we got in the car and drove to Energy Solutions. In all the years that we have been going we have never, ever, ever seen it so crowded. There weren't any seats it was FULL, FULL, FULL! We ended up leaving and going out to dinner. We tried to cheer Chris up but he was still disappointed:(
I just got home from playing "Santa's little helper" some people asked me to deliver some gifts to a family who needed some cheer (their dad died a year ago left 6 small children). I am so grateful they asked me to deliver them what a warm feeling I had carrying the beautifully wrapped presents and then to take them to someone who was so touched and grateful. The mother was crying, I was crying you could just feel the spirit. "Santa" thanks for making someones Christmas special including mine:)
Hope everyone is done shopping. I have to go out into the "mad house" and finish my Christmas shopping and buy food for the teacher breakfast I'm helping with tomorrow at the elementary.
Oh, 9am I have to try and text Chris to remind him to give himself his shot (I got a new phone - way to high tech for me, I keep calling people on accident - called Rye 4 times yesterday:)) Oopps! Take care. Love, Ricki

Well, Chris sweet talked his way out of the hospital. I brought him home about an hour ago. His instructions are to give himself a shot every 12 hours. They said he could go home because he was able to give himself a shot without passing out (which is what I would do:) Also the name of the medicine is Lovenox, don't ask me were I got Levaquin hee, hee. He is sleeping right now. I tried to get him to stay at the hospital because he makes a horrible noise and face sometimes when he breathes. It makes me nervous. He just wanted to come home. (Why? to lots of noise and chaos:)) Now we can go caroling and to all of the other family parties we have this week.
I've been meaning to write about how I forgot to ask Chris if he worked on Christmas Eve, before setting up Jacob's baptism. Well, come to find out Chris has to work that day!! He told me he would ask someone to change shifts with him. I told him to take an "early" lunch. (9:30am:)) Thank goodness he found someone to trade with! He now works 2pm-11pm Christmas Eve:(.
Love ya, Ricki

Where to start. .. last Saturday Chris was ill so he didn't take anyone shopping. Sunday only Megan and Ryan went to church - Katie and I were to sick and it was to much work to get everyone ready. Later that day Jacob was laying on his side on the floor and Katie came up to him and stuck a sucker stick into his ear. It bleed, I panicked. I asked our neighbor who is a nurse what to do - take him to ER? What? He said that there is nothing you can do for a ruptured ear drum that I should just watch for infection and check his hearing. I asked Chris and my dad to give Jacob a blessing to comfort me:) Monday, Jacobs eyes were blood shot so I kept him home. Later Monday night Jacob started throwing up. Tuesday, we had Chris' CT scan and the port removed and I asked my sweet mother if she would stay with two sick grandchildren. I just kept praying that she wouldn't have to clean up throw up (she didn't:). Chris and I went to Rye's choir concert at the middle school, Chris was a trooper he was ill but still went he had, had a long day. Oh, and when they took the port out he watched the whole thing!!! (incision, pulling it out aaawwwww! doctor said that Chris was the first to watch!) Wednesday, Jacob's eyes were still red. Thursday, I decided to take Jacob to the doctor because his eyes were still red and he was driving me crazy because he had plenty of energy to be at school. The doctor checked him out, we told her about "the ear" incident. She looked in Jacobs ear and found that the ear drum had been ruptured and that it was infected. The infection was coming out his eyes! He is now on three medicines- one eyes, one ear and Amoxicillin twice a day. Friday, I sent him to school he was worried about his eyes still being red so I went in and explained to his teacher. Friday night, I took 18 kids to a place called Jumpin' Jacks for Jacob's birthday party. I let Rye bring two friends, Tay two friends, and then we had cousins and Jacob's friends. Thank goodness my mom and sister were there to help me. Chris came for about twenty minutes. He was SSSOOOO sick! We sang happy b-day and had cake while Chris was there and then he went home. Meg and Rye delivered the 12 days of Christmas gift to the family that we are giving to and while door bell ditching this house Ryan slips and falls and hits his head on their stairs! "Get the boy a helmet!" When the rest of us arrived home about 9:30pm Chris was asleep on the couch (he's still trying to avoid getting sick). Chris asked me what are plans were for Saturday, I told him and then he said that "He'd just drive himself to the hospital tomorrow" I asked him what was going on and he said that he could tell that he had a blood clot in his lung. I immediately called the on-call doctor which Chris got mad about. He HATES the hospital (wonder why?) The doctor said go to the ER. Chris said in the morning. Saturday morning bright and early I called to speak to Dr. Whizenant who said that he checked the CT scan that was done on Tuesday and that it showed some shadowing which they thought could be pneumonia but now after hearing Chris symptoms believes that it is a blood clot. So we arranged everything the kids, ma, and pa to help us get everyone where they needed to go etc. When Chris and I arrived at the ER there was no one there, it was great. We had wonderful service and they had a note to be expecting us from Dr. Whizenant. When the lady asked for our co-pay I smiled and said we've met are out-of- pocket deductible "no money for you!":) It's to bad that he had the port taken out; they had to put an IV in his arm. They did an ultra-sound on Chris' leg because he told them that he had a clot there also. They started him on Levaquin (I think that's how you say it - it has been along day). He will get a shot of it every 12 hours. We do not know how long he will be in the hospital. 12 years ago he had a blood clot in his lung and he was in the hospital for about a week but the doctor says that things have changed. Could be just a couple of days. Megan and Ryan kept Chris company at the hospital this evening while I took everyone else to our family Christmas party. This is Chris' favorite party of the year he was very upset that he couldn't go. He told the nurse that he'd be gone for awhile, hee, hee. I sure missed him but was glad that Meg and Rye were able to hang out with him. My brother spoiled them and brought them dinner from the Cheese Cake Factory (spoiled!!) Rye decided that he wanted to spend the night at the hospital tonight. We asked the nurse she said it would be fine. Right now only kids over 14 are allowed in the hospital. Pretty cool to sleep at the hospital with your dad. Today I cried on many shoulders thank you for being there every one whose shoulder I "wet":) I am behind on Christmas shopping due to myself and children being sick. There would be no "Santa gifts" if it wasn't for my wonderful family helping me. I am saddened knowing that Megan and Katie probably will not get a turn to go out to dinner and shopping with Chris. Christmas is pretty darn close. Our family will probably also miss our annual sing along at Energy Solutions, we ride the Trax downtown for free, eat a hot dog and drink and sing Christmas carols its tons of fun. I just pray that Chris will be well enough to baptize Jacob on Thursday. Today I have explained to him a couple of times about dad and that he isn't going to die. That he will still baptize him. I am exhausted mentally and physically but I know that Heavenly Father will not give me any trials that I can't handle and that He will strengthen and guide me through these tough times. I love my Savior I know that He lives that He loves each of us and that He wants us to return home to live with Him someday. This life isn't easy, but I have been given the gift of being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have faith in whatever the Lord's plan is for me and my family. I will not waiver, I will stand strong and do all that is required of me so that I can be with Him someday. I could never get through this without Him. We love all of you so much. Take care of yourselves and those you love, you never know how long they'll be around. Love, Ricki

Last Chemo!!!

Wednesday was Chris' last chemo treatment he gained 4 lbs and his white blood count was great so he was able to have his chemo. The hospital has a tradition that when a patient is done with their chemo they get to ring a bell. Chris waited to ring it until Friday after they took the pump off. Today is Saturday and he is veerrryyy sick he started getting really sick last night during scripture reading. We got to listen to Megan reading and Chris throwing up in the back ground:( He is also verryy tired, the poor guy slept on the couch last night because Katie and I are sick. I am wayyy excited my dad and I took my van to the dealership to get it fixed today. I will have HEAT!! It has been very cold. The mechanic said it would take 5 hours to fix and some parts, can't remember whats wrong just excited not to be a Popsicle anymore:) You don't know how much you miss it till it's gone. "All I want for Christmas. . . is heat in my van!" (sing along with me:)) Monday we didn't see Blind Side we were given tickets to the Jazz game by some very sweet friends (love ya:)) so I knew the movie could wait that Chris would love to go to the game. We had a great time we went to Crown Burger first and then the game. The game was really close all the way to the end. We were all hoarse from screaming. It was great seeing Chris upset and yelling at the referees, that's my guy:). Tuesday we had the missionaries over for dinner. They think we're crazy. We also had the stake president and his counselor come over and visit us and are dear friends that gave us the Jazz tickets brought over some gifts from the Jazz Bear - story - I teased my friend about how those in the "bloody nose" seats don't ever get anything. We're truly lucky to have such wonderful friends, they spoiled us rotten!:) Wednesday, Jacob had his baptism interview with the Bishop and then we went to tithing settlement my family made fun of me because I took a picture but hey, I'm pretty "camera/video happy" I take pictures of everything. I have definetly given up scrap booking. This week Rye has a choir concert, and Jacob will have his b-day party along with all of the other things inbetween. Tonight we start the 1st day of Christmas to a family. Hope we don't get caught:) We have a lot of fun trying not to get caught. I will send one of the children while I sit in my nice heated car- can't wait:) Today is also the 1 year mark. We found out one year ago today that Chris would not live a year. Lucky us he is still here!! Take care. We love ya. Ricki

Last Thursday we went to Chris' work party. At his work you are only allowed to go in once a year and that is at the work party. It is fun to see where Chris sits, what's on his desk (he had a lot of awards on his desk that he has forgotten to come home and brag about - I yelled at him:) etc. I realized that Chris only has verryyy old pictures of the kids on his desk and none of Katie so my goal is to get some pictures together for his desk. I bought the cutest picture frame from Walt Disney World this summer so now I just need to fill it. Ohh, and I realized that I had never given him any of the very nice pictures we had taken last December, Oops. Friday Chris was verryyy ill. He was suppose to take Taylor x-mas shopping but he just didn't feel well. Saturday he was a little better. After our ward x-mas party he took Taylor out to eat and then shopping. He came home very tired. Sunday he wasn't feeling well so he was going to stay home from church. Katie refused to go with me she wanted to stay home and be with Chris so I let her. One less person for me:) I spoke to the Bishop about Jacob's baptism (his bday is Dec. 24th) he told us we should do it that day. He finally talked me into it. I was against it only because I don't want to inconvenience anyone but boy would it be special to be baptized on your actual bday and Christmas Eve. The Bishop was very kind he said he didn't know how the ward turnout would be and I told him it doesn't matter the two most important people will be there (Chris and Jacob). All year things have set Jacob crying wondering if "his dad" would be able to baptize him or who would and all year long our families goal has been to get Chris to stick around until after Jacobs baptized. (Now the goal is to ordain Taylor a Deacon-1 1/2 years from now:) We are very pleased that Chris is still here life is very hard on him. Friday he didn't come home from work until 8pm because he had such a rough day at work (bathroom). I am so proud of him he just keeps going a lot of people (including myself) would not be working right now it's just to hard.:( For Family Home Evening tonight we are going to pick a family for are annual 12 days of Christmas and then we are going to see Blind Side I have been told by many people that it is a wonderful movie, that the little boy reminds them of Jacob and I remind them of Sandra Bullocks character. I guess Jacob and I are going to have to see if these are compliments or not:) Yikes!!! Wednesday is Chris' last chemo. WOW!! It's been along haul, 12 treatments. And it has been almost a year since we found out that he had pancreatic cancer. I still see the whole thing in my head like it was yesterday. We sure appreciate all the prayers and words of encouragement. Stay healthy. Love, Ricki

I hope that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. It's hard to believe that it is December 1st!!! Meg's ankle is doing well she started running on it again last week and she had a fun time at the Sadies dance at school she went with 8 other couples. They started the day decorating cakes, then to the mall for a treasure hunt went home got ready then went out to eat, to the dance and then went and saw New Moon (Meg's 2nd time!!:)

Yes, we still have the kitten- I know it is hard for all of you who know me to believe that it is still here but (I don't like cats!!) I prayed a lot about it (dumb thing to pray about for all of you who love cats) I don't want to "get rid" of it later on. My answer: "Pets are a part of mortality" how can you deny an answer like that I know I didn't think of it myself (I'm not that smart) so the cat is staying and I am going to change my attitude because Chris has always wanted a cat he grew up with cats- they slept on your feet to keep them warm. I grew up that cats stayed outside and were only good for catching mice. Two very different ways. And I have denied him a cat for 19 years so here goes another adventure. Everyone wants to hold "Aladdin" so we rotate him every 20 minutes. Chris and Aladdin are very cute. Aladdin sleeps right next to Chris on his pillow (can't stand the purring in my ear!) I know it's the right thing to do my Chrissie deserves to be happy and I can see that as he holds the cat. I'm sure it will be around for along time.

November 20th Chris tried camping with the boy scouts but came home late that night. He was cold, tired and there wasn't a restroom. He made the boy scouts dinner, helped them set up and then came home (yes, there were other leaders). His feet and hands are very numb right now he hates it; he says that he can't even feel me holding his hand:( He drops things and stumbles alot.

He had chemo on Monday, November 23rd. He lost 7 lbs!!! On Wednesday he had the pump taken out. He has been very sick and very tired since then.

We were suppose to have turkey dinner here Thursday with my mom, dad, sister and her family and my brother and his family but Katie decided to get sick Wednesday - fever, throw up, earache etc. so at 5:30pm Wed night I ran to the store to get all the fix ins for a turkey dinner for my family. I'm sorry to say that we left everyone in a lurch trying to find somewhere to go that had a turkey (my brother and his family ate out:) and we hardly saw Chris he was so tired and sick that he slept most of the day. Chris had to work on Friday at 6am he said he did OK . When he got home he went right to bed. Meg, my mom, and a bunch of others did the Black Friday thing I wanted to go but was afraid that one of the kids would wake up during the night and Chris would have to take care of them and obviously he really needed to rest so that he could work. Chris was ill Saturday but Sunday he managed to stay for the whole 3 hours of church which he hasn't done in awhile. Monday night Chris told me that "he's ready to check out" he can't take much more of this bathroom thing. I can't blame him I think it would be awful to be tied to the bathroom and I wouldn't want to eat either knowing that then I'd just need to use the bathroom. He does pretty good eating he just keeps loosing weight. He is getting very skinny he is now in the danger zone of weight loss.

Tuesday morning during morning prayer Tay blessed that dad would get better and not be sick anymore and would be with us forever - way to start the day!! Then. . . Katie said the dinner prayer and she blessed that "no one would pee on the floor and that dad wouldn't die" I wasn't hungry after that (and whose peeing on my floor?!!!!:) She is cute!

We are trying to plan Jacob's bday party but its hard because Chris will be sick for most of the next few weeks because of chemo on Dec 9th. My poor children are having a hard time with some things: the bday party and no xmas lights on the house. Chris usually decks our house out but this year he just doesn't have the strength. I try to tell them this over and over again but their poor little minds and hearts don't understand. I told them next year and Ryan said "maybe if he's here" I told him that if dad wasn't here we would definitely deck the house out in lights to honor dad (we'd all brave the cold and height). I have thought about doing it but I feel like I'd be taking something away from Chris and xmas is still far enough away that if he finds a little strength than he can do a few at a time. I don't want him on the roof though because of his balance he has a tendency to "sway" don't need another problem:)

"Another World of Warcraft addict is born!!" (that's what Chris is playing in the picture and the cat is trying to get:)

Love ya, Ricki

Just had to write and let you all know that Megan sprained her ankle yesterday running. I got a call from the principal letting me know that I needed to come and get her and take her to the doctor. When I got there they wheeled her out to the car in a wheelchair. It was really swollen (she still had her shoe on) she told me that she heard a snap when she did it so to be on the safe side I took her to InstaCare for x-rays. 2 1/2 hours later and my mom and brother taking care of the other children - Friday nights are really hard on Chris so I knew I needed some help, mostly with Katie everyone else could have fended for themselves but I figured my brother wouldn't mind letting my kids play with their cousins (thanks guys:) They took x-rays not broken, so they put a brace and ace bandage on her ankle but it will be at least 2 weeks before she can run. We were suppose to run in a 5k race today but oh well will try again another time. Also, Megan's friend found a lost kitten and brought it to our house because her family is allergic to cats. Can I just tell you how much trouble Megan is in!!!!!! I tried to take it to the humane society but it was closed so I stopped at the store and picked up cat food and litter (under protest! I dislike DISLIKE cats!!!) Katie has named it "Aladdin" I am in big trouble, anyone want a black cat?! We have a Christmas tradition that we start early each year because we have 5 children. Chris takes each child out to eat where they want to go and then Christmas shopping for each of their siblings. Chris felt OK tonight so he took Jacob. It was Jacob's turn to go first this year so he and Chris are out shopping and eating. It is a fun tradition for the kids. I've had to keep track on a calendar each year of who went first the year before to keep the fighting down because everyone wants to go first. Welp, I gotta go Katie's screaming about holding the kitten "Aladdin" May we make it through this weekend!! Ricki

Yesterday Chris had his 10th chemo session. He lost 5lbs since last session. He has two sessions left the next one will be (if his white blood count stays up) November 23rd and his last one will be December 11th - one day before this all started last year. December 12th, 2008 was the day we found out that he only had months to live, how ironic to have his last chemo December 11th! Then we will have tumor marker and other tests done to see how things are and hopefully to help Chris with the "dumping syndrome" it is very hard on him he had another difficult night last night - not much sleep. He also has his pump which is hard to sleep with not only for him but me:) It makes a buzzing noise all night and if the pump touches the mattress it vibrates, as you know I am a light sleeper so look out I'm crabby:) Chris also broke his toe about 3 days ago. During the night he hit it on the bathroom door frame it looks horrible all black and blue and crooked. Can't do anything about a broken toe except tape it to the other toe. Poor guy that's all he needs!! Chris also received an honor at work the "Pride of Service" award for the West. I tried to ask him some questions about it but he knew what I was up to so he told me "he was just doing his job" always modest but I'll at least brag a little for him:) Ryan got hurt last week playing "flag football" someone hit him in the back of the knee/thigh. He called me and asked me to come and get him at the bus stop with the car so I did and his two BIG friends were carrying him and his books. What nice friends. We babied him hoping that ice packs, heating pad and Ibuprofen would help I realllllyyyy didn't want to take him to the hospital for x-rays. He seems OK now thank goodness. Megan has been ill and Jacob is coming down with something (I'm keeping my eye on him). As I wrote already chemo is Monday, November 23rd because of Thanksgiving that week that will make it so that Chris can have his pump taken off on Wednesday. He has to work Friday so I hope that he is well enough. He is usually really sick for atleast 3 days after and then it starts to get a little better slowly each day. His finger tips and toes (which helped lessen the pain - he said) are still numb.
We love you all and are grateful for you. Love, Ricki

Chris had chemo on October 28th, his weight has stayed the same (thank goodness) but he is having a lot of intestinal trouble he is constantly in the restroom being sick so we talked to the doctor about that. The doctor believes that it is from the surgery he called it "dumping syndrome" he wants us to get through the chemo first (we have 3 sessions left) and then we will concentrate on the other problem. I told the doctor though that this is reeaalllyy hard on Chris that he hardly gets any sleep at night because he is up all night. Thank goodness he's not like me grumpy, grumpy, grumpy if I don't get enough sleep. This morning he told me that he set a record - he got 3 straight hours of sleep! Also food is not being broken down and is leaving his system in 12 hours or less from being eaten which is not good who knows how much nutrition his body is receiving in that amount of time. He is taking vitamins and the doctor suggested blending up vegetables (into baby food!) and having Chris try eating them that way. It is very hard for me to watch this it is no fun having Chris in the restroom all the time life passing him by. I admire him so much he has such integrity, he goes to work everyday and works hard even though he feels horrible it would be much easier to stay home. By how late he comes home I can tell what kind of day he had at work. Late means it was a bad day because he insists on working 8 hours a day (or more) he knows that that is what he is suppose to do so he does it even though he feels absolutely horrible. What a life, I just couldn't do it put me in the ground! But he is not one to take advantage of situations/others he always does his best.
Last week was a hard week I did a lot of crying Monday (October 26) we carved pumpkins and so that brought up the subject of "this could be the last Halloween" me having to go trick-or-treating with the kids Saturday because Chris would be to sick - I always stay home and pass out candy and Chris loves to take the kids out for hours and hours of trick-or-treating.
And we had a friend pass away that was diagnosed with cancer 3 days before Chris was. She was 3 months older than Chris and left behind 5 girls. Our children are all the same age except #5 they are a year apart (Katie is one year older). I couldn't go to the funeral it was to close to home so I stayed home and mopped, cleaned walls, dusted and cried and cried and cried not only for my selfish reasons but also for their sweet families loss. I was talking with a friend who went and she said the children seemed at peace. For now they know that it is best that their mother went because they saw her in so much pain which in a way makes it easier because no one wants to see someone they love suffering.
Halloween went OK my brother came and helped me take care of Chris (Chris had just finished chemo) and the kids. Chris walked with us for as long as he could and then my brother drove him back home and he and Megan passed out candy. I tried my best to be patient and go to EVERY house it wasn't too cold. Jacob and Katie wanted to go home earlier than Taylor so I let Taylor go with a friend and then I met up with him later. As I walked I cried thinking how different Halloween was this year and how much I miss things "the way they were" I'm sure that Chris misses it even more he just doesn't express it as much as I do. It has been a year since this all started. He did a colonoscopy last year (on Halloween) found nothing and then a couple of weeks later ended up in the ER having an endoscopy which led to putting in a stent. Which led too. . .
Onto better news (you get the point, I've been crying all week - selfishly) since Chris last wrote (I tried to get him to write again but he doesn't like to write about himself:) Megan did well at region (Thursday is her cross country award banquet), went to Homecoming, asked a boy to the Sadies dance, got a 3.8 report card and continues to run after school with her friends even though cross country is over she wants to be in shape for track in the spring. Ryan is now doing intramural flag football at school he is the captain of his team and he is performing in his school choir tomorrow night, Taylor and Jacob finished flag football and have parent teacher conferences this week and Katie is just making lottttssss of messes and seems to have forgotten that she is potty trained - 5 "accidents" yesterday!!!!
Meg put a picture of Chris and his pumpkin on. I call it "a pumpkin on chemo!" hee, hee.
We appreciate all you do for our family. I know some of you are saying "we don't do anything for your family, you won't let us" but just knowing that we could call on any of you at any time is "SOMETHING!" Save up your energy:) Love, Ricki

No chemo this week

Went for treatment on Wednesday and my white blood count was too low (indication of immune system strength). It was the same level it was 3 weeks ago when it dipped even lower a week later. The Docs were worried I might go lower again. Treating me with low immune makes it go even lower and the getting sick is not an option, a flu or cold bug could kill me. Not getting treated is nice, not being sick. But every week I don't get treated is just one more week the whole series of treatment is lengthened. I would like to get it over with of course. I am still having issues with eating, nothing stays longer than 24 hours in my system. Hoping body will figure out I need food to survive some day, hehe.

Kids are busy with school, except the 2 younger ones, off tract time. They all have sports they are participating in and seem to enjoy the play. Megan is getting so good at running that Mom and Dad can't keep up with her...well maybe Mom can. I can't run across the front room much less down the street. Megan has regions this week, she wants to run her best, wish her luck! Jacob dodged, cut, and weaved for another touch down in his flag football game yesterday. Taylor's team played an all girls team, the girls were really good and Taylor's star player on his team had to leave at half time, the girls ended up winning! He was not too happy about that. Don't think he was too happy about the girls pushing him around either :).

Thank you again all for thinking about me, I sure do appreciate so many thoughts and well wishes on my behalf. I am approaching 1 year since I first started all this mess. We were told 2 months to live in the beginning, I am still here!

The kids are out of school for a couple days so I have taken a couple of days off to spend some time with them. It is an off chemo week, chemo is on this next Wednesday.
Yesterday we started the day off by Ricki, Katie, and I going to a memorial service for Russ Ockey, he passed away this week. It was very nice. I wish it had been better circumstances, but I really enjoyed seeing Sister Ockey and her kids, Ryan and BJ and their families. Sister Ockey has aways been my mom away from home...can't believe she put up with my constant visits to her home when I was a kid. She is a great lady and I love her.

We hit Chilis last night thanks to some gift certificates from work, aways fun to eat for free! Afterwards we stopped at Target to "look" at the Halloween stuff...$150 later I realized that "looking" was expensive. Mark that one down as no more "looking" for me. I was bad too, we bought Pete's Dragon, Disney movie, and the kids and I watched it last night. We have a Disney CD that the kids play in the car all the time with a song from Pete's Dragon. When the movie hit that song, all the kids including 3 year old Katie sang word for word with the movie, was fun.

Should tell you about Taylor and Jacob playing flag football. They both play very well, Taylor is more timid about touching the ball, he does not want to make a mistake for his team. He plays great defense, pulls the flag often and is the nose tackle. They throw the ball to him here and there on offense, he even scored a touchdown on a catch a couple of weeks ago. Taylor has his heart set on playing tackle football, "so I can hit people and not get in trouble". Occasionally he hits a kid during play and lays them out, Taylor is thick and tough, so I think he wants to hit on purpose and not have to feel bad that he left someone crying by accident. Now Jacob is very interesting to watch play. He is the all-star on his team (in other words, the only one that understands the game and the direction he is suppose to run the ball...forwards). Last week he ran for 4 touchdowns and on defense he pulled the flag 17 times. The team has 3 Jacobs on it, so they call my Jacob, "Bob". That would be Katie's nickname for him. Jacob is a bit faster than the rest of the kids so he scores touchdowns every time he touches the ball. It is so funny to watch him cut, fake, spin, and jump his way past kids. He is pretty determined.

Megan is still hitting cross country like there is no tomorrow. I am very proud of her, she has stuck with it and seems to love it. She gets up each morning or stays after school without being prompted, she just goes on her own. It is fun to watch and cheer her on in her meets! Ryan is at the age I recall when I was a boy, school, friends 24/7, and family here and there. If he could live at the local fitness center and swim and play basketball every waking minute, I think he would be there.

My health is ok, I am still having a hard time digesting food. I am hoping to figure out what I can and should not eat to make my digestive track hold stuff longer than 24 hours. It is pretty debilitating to be stuck near a bathroom all the time. I want to get out and play with the kids and have experiences they can remember. I am not sure if it was the surgery or the chemo that my system nuts. I have to figure it out, I want to romp around some day soon, ward basketball is calling my name in spite of my frailty :).

I sure appreciate all of you who think about me and encourage me. I am like most folks, never know what to say other than thank you when every one is so kind and thoughtful. THANK YOU!

Wednesday Chris was well enough to have chemo. His weight stayed the same since last week - thank goodness:) They have stopped giving him the oxiplatin, the drug that is suppose to help the chemo work better but causes terrible sometimes irreversible side effects such as numbness and sensitivity to cold things. Chris' nose and tongue would go numb which he hated because his nose would run and he wouldn't know it. He was also loosing his sense of balance. They usually try to go 9 treatments before they stop using it but it was starting to take a toll on Chris so the doctor decided to stop it now. Friday he went in and had the pump removed. He seems to be doing well usually Friday night he throws up alot but last night he just felt really tired and nauseated. Probably because he had a month break, who knows we were just grateful not to have to hear him be sick. It makes us sad:(

Sorry about not writing sooner so here goes. . . Chris hasn't had chemo since August. He was scheduled to have chemo Sept. 9th and then Sept. 16th but his white blood cell count and platelet counts were to low. He also lost 4 lbs in one week (2 lbs the week before). We will try again this Wednesday. Also we decided not to have the children tested. Megan would like to be tested and we feel that she is close enough to 18 to hear the results and deal with them. The other children are just too young they don't need to worry about cancer and dieing. We had talked about just not telling them but knowing me I would give it away, every time I'd look at the child with the mutant gene I know I'd start crying- I'm sure they'd figure it out themselves:) Chris' CT scan came back normal (that's good). Jacob fell off his bike and got a lot of "road rash" Two days after his accident he became covered in a rash. I knew that I couldn't send him to school not knowing what the rash was from so I took him to the doctor. He tested Jacob for strep and looked at his wounds. After he saw the one on Jacob's bottom (which I had to bribe the boy to let him see - ANY treat at the gas station!) The doctor realized that Jacobs body was having a hard time fighting off the infection from the wounds so Jacob is now on medicine to help his body fight off the infection (and so is Chris:) Not much else has happened just the usual flag football games and practices, cross country meets, 10 mile hike, scout camp out (Chris and Tay), homework, scouts, church activities etc. Hope all of you are doing well. We love ya, Ricki

Wednesday Aug. 26th Chris had his 6th round of chemo. He didn't loose anymore weight this week - yeahhh!!! We also spoke with a genetic counselor about when to have our children tested, she said that we should have them tested at age 18 because that is when they think that Chris' tumor started growing, and we talked about the "what if's" with the insurance companies denying them if they have the cancer gene MLH2, she also told us that it would be wise that if Katie or Megan have the gene that after they are done having children that they should have a hysterectomy so that they then are not at risk of getting ovarian or cervical cancer (Wow! lots to take in!!) and how to help the children that have the gene to cope. Then Friday, we met with Dr. Whisenant and he said that he would like the children tested right away. He wants to make sure we catch this as soon as possible and that because while we have great insurance that will pay the $350.00 per test ($350.00x 5) we should do it. We haven't told our children yet that on September 11 they will be having their blood drawn ( I apologize for any English mistakes - I usually have Megan proofread my blog but I'm not going to on this one because we aren't going to tell them until probably Thurs of next week - no sense having them worry already so shhhhhh.... you know a secret). Dr. Whisenant does not want us to put any undo stress on the kids so we haven't decided what to do yet. Our children are very smart and I believe that if we don't tell them the results that they will worry and of course if we tell them the results and they have the gene then they'll worry and they are all too young to be worrying about death and cancer. If we decide to tell them the kids would see a counselor first and she will explain what is going to happen and will answer any questions they might have. Then they will have their blood drawn, it will be about a week before we get the results back. Then we will meet with the counselor again and whoever (hopefully none) has the mutant gene will then have some one-on-one counseling explaining to them that this does not mean that they are going to die of cancer. This is a preventative measure so that they can be proactive. The counselor told us that insurance companies would rather take care of the preventative stuff then hundreds of thousands of dollars like Chris has run up. I hope that we make the right decision:). Chris will have a CT scan on Sept. 14th. We also got the results back on the tumor marker he was at a 15 in December he is now at a 2 - so great news. Meg is doing well in cross -country she really enjoys it and Jacob and Taylor both made a touch down at their flag football game - go boys! Also everyone started school last Wednesday. I posted some pictures of the port and the bag that Chris carries around for 2 days. I had a really cool one of the port (close up) but Meg wouldn't put it on she said it was "gross" and we shouldn't "gross all of you out" Gotta listen to the teenager she knows everything:)

I just wanted to let you know that we made it after hiking 20 miles yesterday. No one got hurt, Yeahhhhh!!! Wednesday night I changed the hike to one that I found in a book from the library that a man told me about when we were hiking Tuesday. It’s called 300 Hikes in Utah. I found a hike that was closer to home, Park City it is called the Rail Trail. It goes 30 miles but we only needed 20. We had talked about walking the whole thing so that two of the boys would have another 10 miler done but we said we’d see how we felt after doing 20 miles:) Needless to say after 20 miles we were done not even the boys who needed the 10 miler wanted to go. It took us 7 ½ hours. If you get the chance go on this hike (shorter version, hee, hee) it was beautiful, there was a lot to look at. We saw a bald eagle, beaver, cows, beautiful horses, goats, sheep, lamas, streams, walked through dark tunnels, saw dead animal parts (boys loved that), lakes with tons of gross moss (which we loved throwing rocks into because the moss parted and left black gross water showing) and the best part we walked by was a compost farm! We walked for awhile with are shirts covering are noses it smelled wayyyy bad. The hike goes from Park City to Echo Lake. We hiked from Wanship to Echo Lake and then back where one of the boys mothers picked us up, she was kind enough to drive us and hang out close by encase we needed her and then drive us home (I knew I wouldn’t be up to it). My brother in-law Jim manages the Park City McDonalds and he was kind enough to feed us before we started hiking. He was also the boy’s inspiration for getting the hike done by 4 pm. Jim told the boys free food and as much as they wanted if they got done before he left, we arrived at 3:57! Thanks Jim I might still be out on the trail!!!! I told the two boys who need just one more 10 miler that we’d hike from Park City to Wanship next week before school starts. Right now 2 boys have this merit badge completed. If I take the other 2 next week than will have four completed. Two to go but they have the 20 miler to do which I don’t think I can do again. I actually feel good today except that I have big blisters on the pads of my feet. Last night I could hardly walk. Chris babied me, he got me ice packs to put on my feet, Ibuprofen, propped my feet up and then took care of the kids. What a sweetie. Megan has a busy day today she is at the Oquirrh Mountain Temple dedication right now (the first session) and then she will come home and participate in the cross country fundraiser. She will be running for 24 hours!! People donate money for every mile that she runs. It starts at noon today and goes till tomorrow at noon. It sounds like a lot of fun – go Meg! Tomorrow Jacob and Taylor have their first flag football games and Sunday the rest of us get to go to the Temple dedication at the stake center. We love you guys! Love, Ricki

An Old Lady's White Bum

I’m finally writing to update you on last week’s events (which you will all get a kick out of). Monday, Aug. 10th Megan got her DRIVERS LICENSE!!!! (I now have one potty trained and one that has her driver’s license- Yikes) Tuesday, my friend Melissa and I took five scouts on a 10 mile hike which turned out to be 12 miles and a man that we talked to on the trail said that if you laid this hike out flat it would be 15 miles. We saw a female moose; she was just about 50 feet from us. It was a beautiful hike there were a lot of wild flowers, springs and waterfalls. It was a lot of work. When they say intermediate hike that’s what they mean. Thank goodness I won’t need to do that hike again for 2 more years, until Taylor becomes a scout. It took us 7 hours. Rye fell and hurt his pinky finger and hit his head on the way down and I mooned some mountain bikers who happened to cross my path:)It’s just my luck we only passed 6 people in 7 hours and of course 2 of them pass us when I’m pulling up my pants. And yes I did go far enough off the trail they should not have seen me!! Oh, and Rye’s ok:) (hee, hee). Wednesday, Chris had his 5th chemo treatment. He lost 4 more pounds. I told the doctor about the pain that he is having in his abdomen. The doctor said Chris would be doing a CT scan again soon they have them done at the 6th treatment. We will also have a test done to see if there is anymore sign of the tumor. Chris feels horrible but makes everyone else think that he is fine, which he isn’t but he doesn’t want to worry anyone (but me of course). Thursday, I came upon an accident that had just happened 3 children and a mother were hit by a car while they were walking on the sidewalk! (Impaired driver of course) I stopped thinking that someone on the cross country team had gotten hurt (Megs in cross country and was out running) thank goodness I had my first aid kit in the car and some extra towels. The 5 year old boy was the worst they life flighted him to Primary Children’s Hospital with major head trauma and the 3yr old and 1yr old were taken in ambulances the mother was ok for the most part and she and her husband drove up to the hospital. So many wonderful people stopped and helped, it was amazing to see the cooperation and support from people who didn’t know each other working together. They took the driver off in hand cuffs and then later on the news they said that he was “impaired.” Then, Melissa, Melissa’s 3 children, 6 scouts, myself and Katie where headed to City Creek Canyon to go on another 10 mile hike. Well, I didn’t know where I was going so I was following Melissa, who has a lead foot. I didn’t want to loose her so I was speeding to keep up with her. Try to guess what happens next! I get pulled over for speeding!!!!!!! 32 in a 25! I beg the officer I tell him what a Good Samaritan I was this morning and how I’m taking all of these scouts on a hike and ohhhh please could he forgive me. He takes my license back to his car. I tell the kids “say a prayer” I just got a ticket in November and we just changed insurance companies 3 days earlier (we found a better insurance company to have 3 driver’s on) . I see him get out of his car with the clipboard and I start crying (clipboard/paperwork/ticket). He hands me my license and tells me “that today is my lucky day” NO ticket!! Melissa is up ahead of me waiting. I pull up to her and tell her the story and of course she apologizes profusely. I tell her she owes me a LARGE Dr. Pepper and a hair coloring job. So now (after a gas station stop) we are on are way to do a hike that we found that we could take a stroller on, all paved. It was a beautiful hike. Katie was a perfect angel for being gone all day. This hike only took us 5 hours and no one got hurt or tortured by seeing an old ladies white bum (hee, hee). Melissa and I have been doing these hikes to help get the boys their required Merit Badge for scouts. They have to do five 10 mile hikes and one 20 mile hike. Chris had taken them to Zions, Jordan River Parkway and the other leaders took them to Butterfield Canyon. So most of the boys needed 2 more hikes. Some need more because they didn’t go on one of the three. Friday, we rested (I think, I can’t remember). Saturday, Meg, Rye, and Chris had Youth Conference. Chris was too ill to stay for very much. Now this week yesterday (Tuesday) I took Katie and 4 boys who needed another hike to Jordan River Parkway, we hiked 10 miles. Again Katie was an angel for 4 hours of being in the sun. Tomorrow one of the scouts mothers is going to drive me and 4 scouts up to Wolfcreek Canyon and drop us off so that we can hike 20 miles. Pray I make it, I’m an old lady!!!! (and of course that I don’t moon anymore people, hee, hee). Megan and my mom are going to be in charge of keeping the fort down here. We are leaving at 6 am and I hope that we arrive home around 6 pm. Who knows. And then 4 of the 6 boys will have completed their Hiking Merit Badge and will be one step closer to Eagle. One of them being my boy:)

Chris missed chemo last week because his white blood cell count was down (worried about infection) and he had lost 7 lbs. He is now 178. The doctor told him he couldn’t afford to loose anymore weight. He had chemo just a couple of days ago he has been veeerrrryyyy sick and verrrrryyyy tired.
Chris went to scout camp and did ok. He had a lot of wonderful leaders with him that helped him. One of them drove 40 miles to a store to get Chris some gloves. It was cold up there and with the side effect of cold sensations it was hard on him. He also got to take one of the boys to the hospital to get stitches in his hand (not ours thank goodness). Overall he had fun but paid for it later – he came back with some kind of infection.
We do have some exciting news, drum roll please. . . Katie is officially POTTY TRAINED!!! No more diapers!!!! I finally decided that I could put it off no longer. Every time I went into her nursery class and saw kids younger than her potty trained I knew I’d better do my motherly duty.
Chris was released as Scoutmaster last Sunday. He is now the 1st counselor in the Young Men’s Presidency (which means he will be able to hang out with Rye which will be good for both of them) and Merit Badge counselor.
School has started for Jacob (2nd grade) and Taylor (5th grade) and Meg is running cross country. Tomorrow is Ryan’s birthday he will be turning 14!! Where has the time gone?! Sorry about taking so long to write but not much changes with poor Chris. I hate to sound like “Negative Nellie” but he is always tired (doesn’t usually go places with us anymore) and either vomiting, diarrhea or both which makes life miserable for him. It is hard for us to watch. We love him so much but can't do anything to ease his burden. We love you all and appreciate your love and support. Love, Ricki

Chemo

Today, Chris had another chemo treatment. We spoke with the doctor first, and I asked him what we could do to keep Chris’ strength up. He had lost five pounds since his last treatment. The doctor wants to have Chris take two pancreatic enzymes with each meal and one with every snack. He also said he wants Chris to drink Ensure and Carnation Instant Breakfast drinks – I rolled my eyes and told the doctor what a bad patient Chris is. I already knew to not even buy them for him because he wouldn’t drink them. Which he won’t; he thinks they taste awful. During Chris’s treatment the fire alarm went off. All the care givers helped their patient, or someone else to get downstairs with their IV pole and others carried wheelchairs down the stairs for people to sit in outside. We got everyone in the shade and tried to make them comfortable while we waited to go back inside. We were only outside for about twenty minutes, but what an experience!! Tomorrow we go back to the orthodontist to see how Ryan’s mouth is doing. Monday I took the kids swimming and Tay hit his mouth on the bottom of the pool. He came up bloody but not to badly hurt. “No more swimming for the Wach kids!!” Chris and Ryan are getting ready to leave for scout camp on Monday. They will be gone until Saturday. I will have to keep myself very busy so that I don’t worry so much. Chris will be weak and tired, and of course have diarrhea (poor boy) but I’m sure that he will have fun. His next chemo treatment is July 22nd because taking out the pump falls on a holiday, Chris asked the nurses if they would show him how to take it out himself (just this once). They said they felt confident enough that Chris could do it and so this Friday they will show him how to take it out. I’m not too thrilled about that knowing that he could get an infection but I’m sure that Chris will do a good job. Thank goodness we know some of nurses in the neighborhood. Take care of yourselves. Love, Ricki

We spoke with Dr. Whizenant, today, before Chris had his pump removed.
He wanted to see how Chris was doing with the chemo. He asked Chris questions about the cold sensations – Chris said that it lasted last time about four days. Again we were told that if he couldn’t button his shirt, or hold a cup, that we are to call right away. Dr. Whizenant has a patient that finished this type of chemo nine months ago, and he still hasn’t recovered from the cold sensation (yikes). We only have 10 more to go. Wednesday Chris got a bad headache while he was doing his chemo, so the nurse gave him an ibuprofen and she wanted him to drink a little Coke (Coke is veerrry hard on Chris, he doesn’t drink it anymore). We couldn’t find any warm Coke, so we had to wrap it up in warm blankets so Chris could drink it. We didn’t get it as warm as we would have liked it though. Chris said it hurt going down. Poor guy. I went and saw a dietician today after Chris’ doctor appointment so that I could see what I can do to make sure he has the strength he needs. I learned a lllllooootttt. Talk about feeling overwhelmed! I have a lot of information to go through, but I’m excited to try all the things I learned on my family. Some things I will have to “sneak” into Chris’ food, but not into everyone else’s. My job is to maintain Chris’ weight, not increase the rest of the family’s weight.:) Hopefully he won’t be able to taste all of the extra powdered milk in his food. The dietician also suggested eating all day, not three large meals. So starting Sunday night I will pack Chris a bunch of sandwich baggies full of different items for example cucumber slices, carrots, peanuts, a banana and whatever else I come up with. He will stay strong whether he likes it or not. Love, Ricki

I just wanted to let everyone know that Katie is better (she was only sick for about 3 days –thank goodness) and no one else has gotten sick. Yeah!!
Last Thursday, Chris and some other Boy Scout leaders (Chris is scoutmaster) took five boys to Zion National Park for two and a half days. Chris did well. It’s Ryan that we are worried about now. He and the other boys were playing in and around the pool. Rye decided to “slide” into the pool jaw first (he hit the right side of his face on the edge of the pool). The leaders that saw it ran to the side of the pool to see if he was going to come up. The leaders said it made them physically sick to watch it happen. Rye came up bloody and in alot of pain. Monday, I took him to the orthodontist and they did an x-ray on him. The orthodontist couldn't tell if his jaw was broken because it was so swollen. Rye can hardly open his mouth. The orthodontist had to leave a broken bracket in his mouth because Rye couldn’t get his mouth open wide enough for him to fix it. I will take him back on Thursday if he can open his mouth wider. I guess it was time for him to get hurt. Just about every six months he gets hurt. Stitches in his face in December, head trauma May of last year and an emergency surgery to remove his appendix in Feb- Ahhh he keeps our lives exciting!
Wednesday, Chris will have his second chemo therapy treatment.
Thanks for all your support and love. Love, Ricki

Yesterday we found out that Katie has swine flu. We are taking all the precautions that we can – masks, new towels, more hand washing, etc. etc. I’m not too worried about Katie but about Chris. The people that have died are the ones that have other complications like Chris who doesn’t have an immune system because of the chemotherapy. When Chris comes home from work he’s been confined to his bedroom. Hope no else gets it. Chris had his first chemo treatment we only have 11 more treatments to go. We went in last Wednesday at 2 pm. They hooked him up and gave him 2 medicines while we were there at the hospital and then they hooked him up to his pump. I couldn’t watch. About 2 hours after his chemo started he started feeling the cold sensation that they told him about. We didn’t realize it would set in so quickly. For the next two days Chris couldn’t shower – as long as the pump is attached they are worried about infection so no showering (poor guy, he took a sponge bath don’t worry). He has been very tired and nauseated. Friday we went back in and had the pump removed. He spent Saturday and Sunday recovering from the chemo and is doing better now. Thank you all again for keeping us in your prayers and thoughts. We will update you again soon.

We are back from vacation to Disney World. We appreciate all the support given to our family to help us make memories, thank you!
It rained and rained and rained on us but we still had a great time, we will try and post some pictures later. Don't be surprised if you see we are all wearing rain ponchos in the pictures :)

Update on Chris:
June 2nd I had a port placed under my skin on the right breast. It is a small triangular shaped port that is connected directly to the jugular vein through a tube under the skin. The port allows the chemotherapy to be plugged in each week without having to find a vein in my hands or arms. They basically push the needle through the skin and into a plastic stopper in the skin and send in the juice or draw blood.
June 3rd we went for the first chemo treatment but found at that time I would be going in every other week and there were conflicts on each of the next 3 treatment days with scout camps and a small trip to Yellowstone we are taking with a family from down the street. So we are going to start Chemotherapy on the 10th, then the every other week thing works.
Some of the details of the Chemo:
There are 3 different drugs that will be used. Two will be given in a drip for 2 hours on the day and the third will be slowly administered via a pump for 48 hours. This means that I will have to return to the hospital on Fridays to have the pump removed and the port flushed. The hospital would not teach me how to do it on my own because they fear infection. The jugular vein connects directly to the superior vena cava that connects directly to the heart. Infection risks are very high with the port being so close to the heart, so they worry.
Some of the side affects include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and a cold sensation that makes it so I can't drink cold drinks or touch cold things for 3 to 7 days (really strange huh!). The plan is to go roughly 6 months of every other week, wish me luck.
Thank you all for checking in on me, my health is coming along...just hope the chemo does not set me back too far. I sure would like to get to a point where I can romp around a bit.
Chris & Family

Just wanted to let you know that we haven’t heard anything yet. I don’t believe that we will hear anything until June 2nd when Chris goes in to have a Port placed inside his body which will require him to have same-day surgery. This will allow Chris to go in every Tuesday for six months to receive his chemo treatment. They will put “poison” inside of him that will cycle through his body for 48 hours after that Chris will pull out the tube (the port stays in for the full six months, its like a pump). We have never done it this way before. 12 years ago with colon cancer treatment Chris would sit in a chair hooked up to an IV for two hours, once a week and then go home. So, as we experience it we will let you know more right now we are just going on how Dr. Whizenant described it to us. We leave next Monday for Disney World I spoke with Dr. Ott’s secretary to ask her for a letter to take to Disney World just in case Chris becomes exhausted or sick (two weeks is a long time) right now he is eating food but it just comes right back out the other end – the pancreatic enzymes and flagellant (medicine that they gave Chris to fight off the bacteria that is in his stomach from having to many antibiotics in the hospital – happens to a lot of people) don’t seem to be working so he needs to use the restroom a lot (Dr. Whizenant said that this is how it could be forever and that it could become worse with chemo treatment) so I am worried about standing in long lines and him having to use the restroom. I’m selfish “Don’t leave me in line with five children!!!” Dr. Ott wrote a “beautiful” letter describing what Chris has been through. I cried, he’s been through a lot. I’m going to make a copy and keep it in the scrapbook that I have made of all the cards, emails, comments etc. that have been sent to us (thanks, my children and I will enjoy reading them forever). I am excited to go to Disney World but make myself sick when I think of coming home. Coming home from vacation is really hard on me I enjoy just being with my family not thinking about bills, homework etc. We get back June 1 and life immediately starts June 2nd with Chris getting his Port, school, and lotssss of PTA stuff (yearbook, field day, 9th grade dance, closing out the books for the new president, and on and on, the end of the school year is always crazy). Oh, and COOKING! (We will be eating out for two weeks- I will have forgotten how to cook) I am praying that two weeks goes slowly, but I know it won’t. My new motto is “Life is tough, but I’m tougher.” We love you all, and I promise to write if we hear anything. Love, Ricki

Today we had some strange news. Chris went to see the oncologist about when to start the 6 months of chemotherapy that he has to do. Doctor Whiznant was reviewing the time table and the paper work when he stopped on the pathology report for the sections removed during the surgery (section of the stomach, 10 inches of the small intestines, the common bile ducts, gall bladder, part of the pancreas, and 18 lymph nodes associated with what was removed). He sat for about 30 seconds with a strange look on his face and then said that after reading the pathology report again he noticed that the report stated from the pathologist that the cancer was duodenal cancer, in other words, cancer of the small intestines and not the pancreas. The report stated the pancreas section examined did not show signs of cancer!
Doctor Whiznant stated he wanted to review it again with the whole doctor team in the office, including the surgeon and that he was going to call some friends in San Fransico for a second opinion on the report. He stated that given my history of colon cancer and the way the lymph nodes reduced in January from the chemo and radiation that cancer of the small intestines was more likely than pancreatic. It would also better explain the ulcer that was in the small intestines and why the valve from the liver, gall bladder, and pancreas was swollen closed.
There is a BIG difference between cancer in the small intestines and the pancreas. Pancreatic cancer typically comes back in 12 to 13 months and most do not live beyond 2 years and 5 at most. Cancer in the small intestines can be "cured". 10 to 20 years could be extended on life from cancer of the small intestines!
So more to come on that news after the doctors all get together on the reports.
I am currently taking pancreatic enzymes to see if my food will digest better, right now it is going in and going right through me...not a pleasant experience. However, each week I seem to get better and better at eating and healing.
Thank you all for your well wishes, I sure appreciate it and think it makes a difference in my life!
Chris

Friday the 17th Chris called Dr. Ott and spoke with him about eating and the problems he was having. Dr. Ott told Chris to go and have a STEAK!!! “Give it a try” he said. I had just spoken earlier with the nutritionist who told me all of the things that I needed to do to help Chris and that wasn’t one of them. I now have to make two meals. One for those of us who don’t need all the high fat calories (butter, mayonnaise, cream etc.) and one for those in the family who could use a little more meat on their bones. Yes, I said STEAK! Chris wanted to go Friday night but I was way to sick. No fun to eat out when you can’t smell or taste anything. He waited till Saturday afternoon and we went to Sizzler as a family to see what would happen to him. I still couldn’t taste or smell anything but wanted to see what was going to happen. He ate it. Didn’t throw up but became ill later. Any time he eats anything he gets sick (d….). The food isn’t being absorbed like it should. We saw Dr. Ott today and he prescribed Pancreatic Enzymes for Chris to take. His body isn’t making enough so he will take 2 pills every time he eats until his pancreas starts producing enough. We figured out today that Chris has lost 22 lbs since March 9th. Dr. Ott commented on how Chris needed a new wardrobe. We have an appointment on April 28th to meet with Dr. Whizenant (the chemotherapy doctor) to figure out when we will start chemo again, hopefully after we get back from Disney World. We are sorry to say but Megan did not win the car Monday. It was a lot of fun they took the whole school out to the football field and everyone cheered as each student tried their key. They had a radio station there doing the commentary, throwing candy and giving away Chick-fil-A coupons. Fun memory. I guess I shouldn't have talked about getting another car because the van decided to die on us Friday (its fixed now). Also today my grandfather died. He had Alzheimer’s and had been in a care facility for awhile. I spent all day with him up until Chris’ doctor’s appointment (he passed away at 2:30pm he passed away 20 minutes after I left) so I was able to say “goodbye” to him. Chris and the children went and said “goodbye” to him last night. I am happy that he is out of pain and reunited with my grandmother. I am grateful to know that I will see him again someday and he will be his happy, fun self like I remember from years ago before he got sick. Thanks mom for taking such good care of him all these years. I know he thanks you too. You’re the best!! Love, Ricki

Chris comes home tired from work each day but enjoys going to work to keep his mind off the pain he still feels. Food isn’t going so well everything makes his stomach hurt. I left a message with the nutritionist to call me. Maybe she/he can help me find some things that will give Chris the nutrients that he needs and not make him feel sick. At Meg’s school this year they have had a program called the “Ken Garff Keys for Success” sponsored by the Ken Garff Car Dealership. This means that those who are doing well in school were entered into a drawing. 50 student’s names were pulled out and Meg was one of them. On Monday she will be given a car key and will then along with the other 49 students try her key to see if it starts the car. If her key starts the car – I’ll be getting myself a new car!!!! (he, he). I’m sure that she won’t get the car but we are so proud of her for working so hard in school. The school also called to let us know that Meg’s phone had been found. In a closet in a classroom of a teacher that Meg doesn’t have. Ahhh... Good times. Love ya, Ricki

Friday (the 10th) Chris called Dr. Ott and asked him if he could remove his feeding tube. Chris feels that his stomach will start working better if he’s off the feeding tube. Dr. Ott asked him some questions and then told him that Chris could either come in and he’d remove it or Chris could do it himself. Chris opted to do it himself. Dr. Ott told him how to do it and that it would hurt but to keep pulling. He also told him that it is an outpatient procedure to put the tube back in. Chris waited till Sunday morning before church to pull the tube out. I’ve been telling him lately that he is a “bad patient”. I am worried that he isn’t going to get enough calories a day (2200). So far about all he eats are mashed potatoes, Jell-O and plain ham sandwiches. Monday (13th) it was Chris’ and I's 19th wedding anniversary. My parents had offered to baby sit the kids but there isn’t a whole lot that Chris and I can do (no movies – can’t go unless you can eat popcorn, no eating out etc) so will take them up on their offer in a couple of months when Chris is better. We decided to go to Antelope Island and see the buffalo and fly kites as a family (no school – spring break). We saw lots of buffalo but the wind wasn’t strong enough to fly the Star Wars kites that my kids got from the Easter bunny. It was still fun. Chris wore himself out trying to get the kites to fly. Chris went back to work yesterday he seemed to do alright, tired but hey, he helped load the dish washer which he hasn’t done since March 8th he must be getting better. Not too much else is happening Taylor lost a tooth, Megs cell phone was stolen, Katie, Jacob and I are sick, and it’s raining and snowing today (yuck!!) Oh, if anyone is interested we have a free IV pole that you can have. When Home Health came to pick up the stuff the other day they told me that I got to keep the pole (lucky me). Too bad it’s not strong enough for “Pole Dancing” (he, he) They told me to donate it to DI and then they would send it to a third-world country and if I ever need another one they’ll give me a new one. (Hope no one was offended by the “Pole” comment):o). Love, Ricki

Since I last wrote Chris’ short term disability has been extended until April 13 and he is now on Loratab. Yesterday we received the hospital bill from Chris’ stay March 9 – 18th. (Not the doctor bill we haven’t gotten that yet) Any guesses??? $44,684.32!!!! Wow! I have to tell you how blessed we are a couple of years ago when we were let go from Franklin Covey. Little did we know then what a blessing it would be to be with Verizon (not only because of great people), but because of their insurance. We only paid – drum roll please - $100.00!!!!!!!!!! For the whole entire thing. I was telling my children yesterday with tears streaming down my face, that not everyone is as lucky; some loose their homes etc. I don’t think you can get any more blessed:). We have still spent a lot of money on doctor visits, but look what it could have been. Yesterday was a hard day. It was General Conference and I felt like all the talks were directed to me, especially, President Eyring’s. During his talk Chris and I sat next to each other on the couch, and he held me tight as I cried, and he was kind enough to remind me that it could be about 40 years before we see each other again (rude boy). If you didn’t hear it read, it was wonderful. It was also the General Priesthood Session that night. Chris and Ryan would usually have gone together to the meeting, then out to ice cream, but Chris being too sick couldn’t go. My brother-in-law, Jim, stepped in and took Ryan to the session, and then out to ice cream (thanks Jim). I cried a lot yesterday, wondering who will take my sons to father/son meetings. Some days are much harder than others. Some days it just seems like a bad dream, and I’ll wake up soon and that he’s going to get better and everything will be like it was 6 months ago. We aren’t suppose to ask “Why is this happening to me?,” but “What am I to learn from this?” (Elder Scott - lds.org) May I learn what I need to. Love, Ricki

This morning Chris went to work for about half-an-hour and then came home. He is in a lot of pain. On Monday he had three pain pills left so I called the doctor to order more and received a lecture from the receptionist about how I need to call earlier because oxycodone is not easy to refill it can’t just be called in over the phone. Sorry, I didn’t know I’m not a full fledged nurse yet:) Chris spoke with Dr. Ott and Chris decided that he would go without the pain pills because he didn’t want to become addicted. Chris has now decided that he would like to go back on them so I just got off the phone with the receptionist :o) who said that she would have Dr. Ott call us back when he gets out of surgery. The receptionist is really going to love me this time when I say I want those pain pills NOW! Chris also contacted MetLife to extend his short term disability claim. You know the worst thing about all of this is watching Chris suffer. He has lost a lot of weight, hunches over when he walks and hardly talks at all-definitely no joking it takes to much energy and he can’t go anywhere after 6pm because he has to be hooked up to his feeding pump (I doubt he would want to go anywhere anyway but, if he did). Some of you know that I always tease Chris when he goes camping with the scouts about me sleeping in the middle of the bed and enjoying every minute of it but now that I’ve tried it since March 9th (Chris sleeps downstairs on the couch because he has to sleep sitting up) I’m not liking it so much. I’ll let you know how it goes with the receptionist – “may she not have to feel the wrath of Ricki” Love, Ricki P.S. Sorry but I don’t know how to respond to blog comments. I tried to send one to Cindy but I don’t think she got it and I don’t know how much info you want on the internet so email me. Kristen, Chris wants us to have ice cream in Disney World so that we can play “martyr in the ice cream parlor” he,he. Thanks everyone for your comments:)

Yesterday Chris went to work!! Chris had only signed up for 3 weeks of short term disability so either he had to go to work or take vacation which he did not want to do. He wants to save it all for the activities he has planned this summer (scout camp, Disney World). I cried a lot yesterday I was very worried about the whole thing. I called Dr. Ott and he called Chris. He told Chris that he needed to stay on schedule taking his medicine, checking his insulin and stay sitting up. Chris’ friends took him to lunch yesterday they made the sacrifice to go to KFC so that Chris could try eating some mashed potatoes (they stayed down :) He came home around 5:30pm. He was verrrryyy tired. Yesterday morning Chris had promised to get Katie a treat from the gas station if she hugged him. He kept his promise to her and brought her a treat but he also brought us each one (what do think mine was? he, he-Dr. Pepper of course). He’s so sweet. We “the nurses” set Chris up on the couch with his feeding tube, pillows, blanket and medicine. We read scriptures with Chris downstairs and then for Family Home Evening we went up to the boy’s bedroom and played Apples to Apples had a lesson and then I took the boys and we went swimming at the pool. Katie fell asleep and Megan took care of both Chris and Katie while we were gone. Friday I took Megan, Ryan and Jacob to the podiatrist (foot doctor :) Cousin Mike where are you when we need you?) Megan was having problems with her big toe. The doctor removed her toe nail so now she is in a lot of pain. Yesterday she had an aerobics class at school and instead of participating because her foot hurt she had to write a two page paper. She was not happy she would have much rather done aerobics she enjoys that class. Jacob and Ryan were lucky enough to have warts on the bottom of their feet. We have to put medicine on each night and cover them with band-aids. Megan has to soak her toe in Epsom salt and take medicine for about a week then we will start putting Lamisil on her toe. Good times :) Love, Ricki

Yesterday morning Katie and I went to a Council PTA meeting thinking that Chris would be able to have some peace and quiet. But that's not how it works with this family. The elementary school called me on my cell phone during the meeting and told me that Tay was sick. I'm thirty minutes away from him so I call Chris to see if he's well enough to drive up and get him from school. He said he could do it. I called the school and told them that Chris would not be coming into the school and to have Tay watch for him at the front doors. Then he could go and tell the secretaries he was there--of course I told the secretary what color our car was etc. . . I left the meeting early so that I could get home and take care of both my patients. Next year, I won't have to go to so many PTA meetings. I won't be the president anymore. I'm doing something easy - Volunteer Coordinator (Ahhh, easy:) Chris didn't get to walk much today because of the weather. He's going stir crazy having to be in the house. Last night, Ryan, Grandma and I went to his Court of Honor for scouts. He has earned his Life rank. He also received the Denistry, Indian Lore, Personal Management, Genealogy, and Golf merit badge. He is three badges and a project away from being an Eagle Scout, so if anyone has any ideas we'd love to hear them. We were thinking a community blood drive and health fair (all about cancer awareness:) But we'd love some ideas--or if there is a need where you live and we can help, let us know. Chris is the Scoutmaster and would love to see "his boys" become Eagles before he passes away. The Court of Honor was hard to be at without Chris. The other leaders did a great job but something (someone) was missing. Usually, when the boy advances they have the mother and father come up and the scout puts a pin on his mother. I missed my Chrissie. Last night was his time to shine because of all the hard work that he's done with the boys. He would never want credit that way, but he deserves it. Scoutmaster is a lot of work but Chris loves it. When Chris and I were dating I told him that I loved camping. But I lied! I really don't (he, he--I just wanted him to like me) so I've always been glad when he is scoutmaster so that he can get all that camping out of his system and still love me even though I lied:) Anyway, last night was emotional for me. Maybe someday I'll stop feeling sorry for myself :). Love ya, Ricki

Yesterday morning I had Taylor say the prayer and in his prayer he thanked Heavenly Father for helping the doctors let his daddy live longer. That was the beginning and end of the "I'm not going to cry today" line that I tell myself every morning . Chris still continues to be in a lot of pain. He had to give himself insulin again. Katie and I went and worked in Jacob's classroom. Jacob's teacher is so kind to let me bring Katie when I need too. I don't like to leave Chris home alone for too long but I also know he could use a little quiet time without Katie and I. Ryan had basketball practice after school and a choir concert later that night. It was a crazy evening. I had Megan take care of everything here at home (bathing Katie, getting Tay off to scouts, helping dad with his medicines and feeding tube), while my mom and I went to Rye's choir concert. For dinner I made hamburgers. It was a stupid thing to do but I didn't have much time to do anything else. I tortured Chris pretty good with the smell, because he decided to try eating one. Not much, small bites, chewed well. I tried to tell him that it wasn't a good idea, but for all of you that know Chris "he will decide what is best for him:)." When I walked in the door from the choir concert all the kids came running to tell me that daddy had thrown up the hamburger. I guess we know that the stomach isn't working :( The garage isn't set up yet because its sooo cold outside. Tonight I will figure out something. I can't watch him be sad because he now knows that for sure his stomach isn't working. (I would like to tell him that he should probably start with pudding or something a little less fatty, but- I won't). I just can't even imagine what he is feeling inside not being able to eat. It breaks my heart. Love, Ricki

OK, OK so I’m very sorry for all of the grammar mistakes on yesterday’s blog (be afraid I am going back to school to be a teacher he, he). Sometimes I’m a little tired and I don’t catch them. I’m sure that my mother-in-law is just dieing (she taught school-English teacher, wrote for the newspaper, teaches English in China etc). Please forgive me. This morning at 3:15 am (AM!) Chris gave himself his first insulin shot since we got home. Maybe it was caused by eating a cooked carrot and potato that he found in the fridge from last weeks dinner. Who knows? Chris was still in a lot of pain today. He didn’t get to walk outside very much today because it snowed all day and the wind was colder than cold. He did better taking his pain pills on time. He did sneak a couple of bites of homemade bread that are friend made (it’s wonderful-so I couldn’t get to mad). Chris’ sister and her family came all the way from Oregon to bring us dinner and visit with Chris. Thanks for dinner that was so sweet of you guys.:0) Tonight we had Family Home Evening, read scriptures and now everyone is in bed (including Chris). Ahhh quiet. Now I’m going to get ready for bed and watch “Will Work for Food” until midnight when nurse Ricki has to give out pills and check insulin:0). Love, Ricki

Chris is still in a lot of pain. I can usually tell when it’s really bad because he takes his pain medicine:) He is still not sleeping well at night because of the feeding tube and pain. Yesterday someone left a Frito on the counter and Chris ate it, who knows what will happen to him. Poor guy, we need to be more careful. Tomorrow I am going to turn my garage into a picnic eating area. I am going to get our picnic table, umbrella and lawn chairs out (maybe even some x-mas lights). Also a friend is going to let us borrow his microwave (mine is built in). I hope this will help with the food issues and still eating together somewhat as a family (no Chris) and bring some fun to an unusual situation. Yesterday Jacob was very cute, he told me he was ok with eating cold pizza because he didn’t want dad to feel bad (Ahhh). Our sweet cousin Dale has come over the last couple days and played with the kids. They enjoy him very much, he loves to play DS, PS2 and Wii and he has lotttsss of games. What more could you ask for? I made him come with us to dinner and Target last night, though he’s probably not going to come over ever again. One of my children decided to throw himself down on the ground in the middle of Target and cry (not Katie – though she was crying also because I wouldn’t get her any candy) because I wouldn’t buy them new shoes (not Jacob). I laughed as hard as I could fearing that I would have a melt down right there in the store, leaving Dale even more mortified. We have a crazy life right now and I am praying verryyy hard for patience (he has never done that before in his life). Megan asked me why I don’t let her drive very often and I told her because I have no control over anything in my life right now, and driving the car gives me more control than if she was driving (I don’t have a brake on the passenger side like the driver’s ed teacher). Poor girl. I am very much looking forward to our trip to Disney World in May. We are going May 18- June 1. Chris wanted to be there for his bday. We are staying in the Caribbean Beach Resort in pirate decorated rooms (we love pirates). A very sweet family that we met in the hospital has offered to help fund are trip. WOW! (No I didn’t mean World of Warcraft for all you junkies:) What a blessing it will be if it happens. Last year we went to Disney World but we had saved our pennies and didn’t go into any debt. This time is different. You do what you gotta do. I hope it all works out. It would be another miracle to add to are list of miracles that we have received. May God bless all of you with what you need. Miracles do happen. We love you guys. Love, Ricki

Wednesday night was a nightmare. Chris was in soooo much pain. We called the doctor Thursday morning (6am – Chris didn’t want to bother him). A couple of times during the night Chris said that he wished he was back in the hospital so that they could put pain medicine in his IV. I don’t remember either of us sleeping. He didn’t sleep a lot during the day either. He did go for a couple of "wachs" (he, he can't help it) around our circle – cutest thing, Katie and Chris holding hands walking around the circle (I took lots of video and pictures) and then Katie went and got her doctors kit which has a stethoscope in it and she listened to Chris’ heart (while Chris made the beating heart sound). Couldn’t stop smilin' :o) so cute! I’m not quite sure how to handle the food issue at our house. I don’t want to cook anything here. I think the smells will be hard on Chris. I will try to figure it out but for now I took the kids (except Megan – who watched Chris) out to eat. We have hidden Chris’ favorite foods (in a couple of weeks I'll have to figure out where I hid them:). He still wants to drink but thank goodness he’s not so desperate that he wants to drink dirty water. LOL. The home health nurse came again last night around 6:30pm (he won't come again until next week). Chris and Megan had already set up the whole thing (he was impressed). Chris played the computer to distract himself (this is the only time I will say thank goodness for WOW). Last night was still a long night with having to add more formula to the bag, checking blood sugars (between 82-112), pain pills, stomach pills (each taken at different times. Pain every 3 hrs. Stomach every 8 hrs) and of course the constant pain he has to endure. Things will get better. We appreciate all the prayers. Love, Ricki

Turn of events. Today Dr. Ott came in around 10 am, asked Chris some questions about himself and if the night nurse had done all that he ordered. Both Chris and my dad said that the nurse he had last night was “useless” the doctor also agreed because she had not followed his instructions. So…. he asked Chris if he wanted to go home and be taken care of by a better nurse (ha, ha, he didn’t read my blog from the other day). So by 4:30pm we were on are way home. IHC Home Health delivered are pump, formula and supplies at about 7:00pm (which Chris is suppose to start eating at 6pm). Then the home health nurse came by to set up the pump. The pump ended up being broken. So we had to sit and wait for a new one to come. By the time we all got trained (I had all the kids sit in and learn, they each practiced threading the machine- they all begged to flush the line but that’s my job he, he (unless I’m not home, then they can flush the line and squirt daddy – he loves it:0). It was 9:00pm Chris was 3 hours late on eating. He also checked his insulin (94). He is sleeping on the couch because he has to be at a 30 degree angle or higher. We have set up all the supplies for the next feeding. I don’t know what time that will be. I gave Chris his cell phone so that he can text me and I will come down and help him pour the other three cans of formula into his bag, flush his line, give him his pain medicine, check his insulin and write it down for the doctor, and then possibly he and I will go back to sleep. He is still in a lot of pain. He is only allowed to drink water when he takes his pain pill. And we are to call the doctor Mon, Wed, and Fri. to give him a report of how things are going and also give him insulin numbers. Chris is a tough cookie he’ll get through this. Tomorrow night the home health nurse will come again and make sure that we did everything correctly. The nurse complimented Jacob on threading the tubing through the cassette he said that "Jacob did it the best". That’s my boy!! We are now home and onto are next adventure. May we have patience with each other (he, he). Thanks mom and dad for all your hard work during this time we couldn’t have made it without you guys. We love you tons and tons. Love, Ricki

Another lousy day. He threw up again but this time it was just bile because they had taken him off of all liquids. Only 15 ice chips an hour. Dr. Ott also ordered another abdominal x-ray. Again he hardly walked and didn’t make small talk with anyone. We’re back to no TV, but at least the temperature in the room is a warm 65 (ha, ha). We also learned how to use a diabetes monitor, test strips, needles, insulin etc. I told my children that we will be learning a lot. They want his blood tested 3 times during the night when he comes home. That is when he will eat through his feeding tube. He has 12 hours to eat. They will be giving him 2200 calories. The feeding bag only holds four cups at a time so during the night we will need to add to the bag 3 times (and check his insulin). I’m not sure when we are suppose to sleep:) Chris again was not well enough for the kids to come up. I had some of them talk to him on the phone. Sorry, I didn’t write last night but Ryan fell off the monkey bars at some friends house and fell on his head!!! If you’ll remember Ryan spent 5 days in ICU in May of last year for head trauma. So we watched him. He has a large goose egg on the back of his head. He cried a lot but I believe he is doing ok (he didn’t take off his clothes and run around the neighborhood, and he remembered who I was:) It’s all good I’m bored during the day laying on the hospital sofa, reading magazines and sipping Dr. Pepper (Ahh, the life of a caregiver). I’ve had to stop scrap booking because I kinked my neck some how, so it hurts to look down. I did get 32 pages done before I hurt my neck. (only 4 more years to go till I'm finished with Jacob's book - he, he) We love you all. Take care. Love, Ricki