Tuesday May 13th (I'm just now finishing - sorry)
The day that Chris was suppose to get the catheter the nurse accidently brought the wrong one so Chris decided to just wait til the following day to have it done.  But..... he slept so well in his new bed, and can get out of his bed much easier decided that he didn't want the catheter yet.  He also decided to wait on the pump (which they can put in his port - it will just be hard to shower etc).  They also brought him an air mattress.  It's a very cool air mattress!  It has "bubbles" that inflate and deflate all over the body.  The machine makes a lot of noise but it has made a world of difference for Chris and his pain.  He is still at a 10 if you ask him (10 being the worst) but he looked much more comfortable:) Rye was so kind and the evening the bed came I was running around and he decided on his own to move are very big, very heavy bed against the window.  He had to move the night stand and a lot of "stuff" hee, hee.  He also vacuumed and helped the man bring in the pieces of the bed.
It was very touching to me.
Katie had her interview with the Bishop and he suggested that we have Katie baptized on her bday.  So, Katie is now being baptized on her bday which is next Wednesday, May 21st.  I feel like I might be putting to much pressure on Ryan by having him do both.  I feel good about having Ryan baptize her and if Chris is feeling up to it confirm her.  If not we will ask Chris' dad to do it.  Will wait on the Eagle.  I'm not sure if I can get that much done in such a short time:)

Last night the social worker came over and talked with all of us.  Chris didn't want to get out of bed so we all squeezed in are room.  She brought a book for each of the kids that Chris is suppose to read and record his voice on.  She asked each of the kids how they are doing.  Jacob started to cry and Katie looked sad and then went out to play. lol. Chris invited her to have family home evening with us next Monday.  Also, the Stake President came over and visited with Chris. He asked Chris "who will be there to greet you?"  We all started crying.
Sunday, May 18th
Friday, Rye went to his Senior Dinner Dance, Jacob went on a scout overnighter and the rest of us went to one of Chris' old friends house for another get together (a much better one -he's a doctor and has a POOL!)  Chris had a hard time.  The car ride home and back were the worst.  We just couldn't find him a comfortable spot.  His left leg is so swollen and his right leg is a twig.  He laid down on the couch to rest and then couldn't get back up.  He asked me to pick him up:(:(  Yep, I'm crying.  I put my arms around his back and pulled him up (he doesn't weigh much) and got him to standing so he could use his walker to get to the garage door.  He cried on are way home because he's pretty sure that, that was his last outing.  It just hurt way to much.
At Ryan's Senior Dinner Dance out of 633 seniors Ryan won the award "Biggest flirt" lol.  I told him it was a compliment:)  He also did something very daring that Chris nor I would have ever done.  He wrote a speech and then went in front of 10 teachers (he didn't know any of them) and read it.  He was auditioning to give the graduation speech.  They only have 2 slots (one boy, one girl).  Poor Rye didn't make it but when I have time I will type it here.  It was sooo amazing!!  Chris and I cried.  He did such a wonderful job!  We were so proud of him.  He has grown sooo much this year!  And no he hasn't received his mission call yet!!  It's killing me to go to the mailbox each day!!!

Saturday, the nurse came and put the morphine pump into Chris' port.  I am sooo happy that he can now sleep through the night.  He doesn't have to wake up every 3 hours to take pills.  Pills that upset his stomach. He can hit the morphine button every 10 minutes for an extra dose if he wants. The nurse suggested that he hit the button every time he needs to get up. The nurse had all of us come and learn how to use the pump and if it beeps what to look for and how to fix it.  Weird to have everyone learning how to take care of their fathers pump.  But if I'm not home and it starts beeping it's a good thing to know. Every night he says "Good bye, I hope I don't see you in the morning"  I'm sad for him when he wakes up.  He is so ready to go. When he talks like that I cry and tell him that it's ok.  That we will be excited to think of him the way he looked a year ago.  That we can see him laughing and smiling.  Running.  Standing tall without pain.  He is in sooo much pain.  The left side of his body is swollen and every day he discovers new tumors.  His stomach hurts so bad on the outside (and inside) from putting on and taking off fentanyl patches and giving himself lovenox shots ( he has done lovenox shots for 5 years).

His father gave him a father's blessing a few weeks ago when they were here and in that blessing he was told what he would be doing in the Spirit World.  Chris has always loved children.  Always made them feel like they can do anything, that they are loved.  He was told that he would be spending time with the children.  For those of you who have lost a child. I like to imagine that  my Chrissee will be there with them till your turn on earth ends.  I can't think of a more wonderful person to take care of them! (I tell you this because I haven't had time to write it in my journal and I never want to forget it)  This all feels so hard and yet when things like that are heard how can I be so heart broken to lose him?  It is going to be wayyy hard.  But watching him suffer has been the worst thing ever.  He is trying so hard to not do the catheter because he doesn't want me to have to take care of it.  or the other issue:(  I keep telling him "that it's alright.  he would do the same for me.  and that he is my best friend I'd do anything for him."  When he was talking about this with the nurse he laughed and told him that he worries because  he knows me.... he knows.....when are kids had diarrhea he took care of them.  He washed out their underwear - I threw it in the garbage while dry heaving and trying really hard not to throw up.   So, he worries about me:)   
When we came home from church today my sweet neighbor to the north was mowing are lawn.  He had edged next to the sidewalk, edged around the trees and fence etc.  It looked beautiful.  We don't have an edger so even when we mow the lawn it doesn't look as beautiful as he made it look.  I was going to mow it Monday morning but him doing it made my list shorter and it's not my favorite thing to do.  I'd rather be in the house watching tv eating bon bons:)
It's going to be an exciting week Katie will be baptized May 21st by Ryan and will be confirmed by either Chris or his dad.  Chris' bday is the 22nd.  And.....hopefully the mission call comes!!:) I feel so grateful.  Maybe a little overwhelmed.  But for sure grateful.  We have so many wonderful things happening because of the choices that are children have made.  Meg on a mission, Rye about to go on a mission, graduating from seminary and high school.  Lately, I have been thinking about when rye was first put into my arms.  Thinking of all the things I hoped for him.  18 years later he hasn't disappointed me.  I am a very, very proud mother - grateful mother.  This life is tough.  Choosing the right is sometimes hard.  Satan works so hard to destroy each of us.  I just feel so grateful to be able to enjoy these precious moments.  How hard Rye has worked to get through high school and all of the temptations that he has had to face but chose to choose the right.  I will probably be crying for the next few weeks. Ok maybe months:)
Again I want to say thank you for praying for us, meals, encouraging words, Dr. Pepper, service rendered, and time spent with us.
We love you all so much,
Ricki