Sorry I couldn't write yesterday I just couldn't stop crying so I gave myself a day to "try to compose" myself. It was a busy yet enjoyable weekend (hence the crying). Friday, we played at Chuck E. Cheese (I can't stand the place). Chris always has a great time trying out machines to see which one will give him the most tickets. He found one and proceeded to get over a thousand tickets so that he could buy Katie and her girl cousins each a Tinkerbell bag. He was tired but had a great time spoiling his family. The place brought back lots of memories. We started going there when Megan turned one and Chris has begged one of our children to go there every year since:)
Saturday, we had Chris' bday party. I was at the place setting up while one of Chris' friends brought him to the party. It was a lot of fun to see so many people that we don't get to see very often (and that we do:) We just talked, ate and signed bday cards for Chris. He was verrryyy tired. Thank you to all of you who helped me (food, set up, clean up, balloons, cards etc) I couldn't have done it without you!!! Thank you, thank you! After the party our family decided to go out to eat. Poor Chris wasn't really up to it but I know he didn't want to be a party pooper. At the restaurant they brought Chris and Katie each a big slice of ice cream cake. After that we went home and I went and rented us a movie to watch as a family. It turned out to be a nice day/evening. I just felt bad that we completely wore Chris out. I did hold myself together pretty well. I think it hit me at the restaurant that at some point in time if I wanted to go out to eat I would be taking 5 children alone and that this was the "last bday" celebration for Chris.
Sunday, I was OK until in Sacrament a women bore her testimony about eternal families. Then watching Chris try to get up - he was in sooo much pain and is now walking lopsided because his back is hurting him. That started the flood gates. Then in Primary Opening Exercises Katie gave her first prayer which Chris helped her with. Then we sang "I Love to see the Temple" -one of our favorites, Katie knows every word and sings it loudly:) After that I was a mess. But then of course we are practicing for Father's Day a father's day song that the kids will sing in Sacrament. Just thinking about this being the last Father's Day and what next year will bring (we won't be going to church -sorry) and how Taylor and Jacob are feeling being older and knowing what is ahead made me cry harder. I had to leave Primary to get myself together. It is amazing how EVERYTHING is connected. Chris and I have been together for over 20 years. EVERYTHING means something. I won't be able to listen to the radio, look in our closet, drive his car, smell Polo. . . .
He wanted me to get a job where he works but I told him "No Way!!" He has worked there for about seven years. I would wonder if I was parking in a spot that he had. Or at the cafeteria knowing that he had gotten a drink at that same dispenser. Knowing the same people. Did he ever sit at this desk? Ya, No I would be a mess everyday before I started working.
So no one knows exactly when our "6 months" started. The way Chris has been feeling the last two days makes us think that it started at least 2 months ago. From what the doctor told us at month 3 and 4 his back would start hurting and he would be in pain. It breaks my heart to watch him move around. It looks so painful.
Just for a good laugh ("I will not cry!!") I got my test results back. Everything is fine except that something (can't remember what) is to high in my liver so they want to run more tests. So next week I get to hang out at the doctors office. I am going to call the nurse today and ask her exactly what she said to me. I was kind of in shock. The word "liver" and "more tests" kind of scare me. I'm sure that it's nothing. There is NNNNNOOOOOO WWWWAY I am leaving 5 children here on earth without a mother or father.
For Family Home Evening last night we watched a video specifically written for children who have a parent with cancer and how to cope. Older kids were ornery about watching it but I believe that the information in the DVD was important for them to hear. Then we had a discussion and answered questions. I was pleased to hear that they know a lot more "correct" information than I was thinking. They are all a wreck in their own way but we will get through this and be better people for it. I appreciate those of you who have lost a parent when you were young sharing that information with my children. I think that it helps to see that others have gone through it and been successful in their lives - made it through. Not easy. But you made it.

Tonight Meg has her track meet banquet (more tears from me) and tomorrow night Ryan has his school choir concert (more tears). Thursday, Chris will do all that he can to play at recess with the kids -they think that is just the coolest thing (more tears). Friday, I think I'm OK, nothing happening. Saturday, the Walk for the Wach's - TONS of tears!! It will be alot of fun I am looking forward to it. So much time and energy has gone into this. Words can not express how I feel. You all are AMAZING!!! We love you tons and are sooo grateful to have friends like you.:)
Love always, Ricki

If you don't have a face book like me then here are the details for the Walk for the Wach's: Saturday, May 29th 9:00am Copper Hills High School 5445 W. New Bingham Hwy Price $20 adults, $5 Children $30 Family. Please come 20 minutes early to register. We are going to be dressed in Disney attire. (from the flyer)Megan's track team friends and a wonderful adult are sponsoring this. (This time and place are accurate. Face book is wrong will fix as soon as possible- sorry) GO GIRLS!!! Thanks!!! We can't thank you enough:)
Yesterday Chris had his 2nd chemo treatment. It was a long afternoon 1:30-6 pm. Chris and I played cards (I won both times:), talked with our friend from the cruise, Chris took a nap and I read Helping Your Children Cope with Your Cancer-light reading, hee hee. Chris' next chemo is June 3rd. We meet with Dr. Whizenant and we will meet with the social worker to set up hospice counseling for our family. Boy, do we need it. I have been overwhelmed this week by the kids emotions. Each acting out in a different way. Jacob is always getting hurt and even though it's very minor he acts as though he broke a body part. Taylor cries over very small things that usually he wouldn't cry over. Meg continues to go to the Temple twice a week but doesn't want to talk about it- I say something and she shuts me down. Rye is taking it out on others so that gets him in big trouble. Katie screams and cries a lot especially if I leave her. And they all seem to want me at the same time. Last night after we read scriptures I told them that I wanted to make sure that they knew that after daddy dies that we will still have this home, food on the table and clothes on our backs. I explained about Social Security and Life Insurance and how daddy has helped prepare us. I was reading in that book that, that is a very scary thing for kids, and our situation does look scary - I don't work. How do you pay bills? They all know that daddy makes the money and I sit around and watch TV and eat bon bons:) I didn't say anything about medical insurance. They don't need to worry about that. I have faith that this will all work out. I had paperwork sent to us this week so that we can put things in my name. Chris looked at his Life Insurance policy and found that you can take out half of the money before he dies (have to have letter from doctor of course). He wants to do that so that he can pay off the house and then use the rest to go places this summer. I believe that it will give him a sense of peace if he knows that he is leaving us totally debt free.
I went and had a physical this week. I told the doctor that if there was anything wrong with me that he was to "lie and tell me I was fine." I am lucky enough to have a sinus infection. Kind of ironic after me telling everyone else that "we can't get sick" that I end up sick.
Last night we went to a store (won't name names) to go birthday present shopping for Katie. I took my video camera in and was filming the whole thing when a manager came up and told me that "if I didn't stop filming he would take my camera" (Ohhh you messed with the wrong woman!!!) I told him why I was filming he told me to stop because it was store policy. Now did I listen - HECK NO!!! I was ready to pull the lawyer/media card. Media would love a story like that:) My heart was pounding the whole time so going bday shopping for me turned out to be more stressful than anticipated. The older kids were unhappy because Katie walked out of the store with a lot of bday presents. Than we went and got a chocolate milkshake - Chris was craving one:) I hope he isn't to sick and tired for tonight or tomorrow. We're keeping him kind of busy this weekend. Hope to see ya tomorrow.
Love, Ricki

Details: Chris' Birthday Open house will be at the Daybreak Community Center. Address: 4544 Harvest Sun Lane South Jordan, 84095. Come in and listen for all the noise:) It will be from 2-4pm. I decided to not make it to long because I don't want him totally worn out. We will still have some partying to do afterwards as a family. Also Chris doesn't know I'm doing this. If he did he wouldn't show up:) You know him he doesn't like to be the center of attention. Hey, he gave me a surprise birthday party on my 30th so now it's his turn. Can't wait to see ya.
Love, Ricki

5K Walk for the Wach's

On Saturday May 29, some of our friends are hosting a 5k to raise money for our family to go on a trip. Its from 9AM to 10:30AM or whenever you finish;). We are starting at Falcon Ridge Elementary. The address is 6111 West 7000 South and its in West Jordan. For all those who know where we live that is just a little above our house:). It will end at Copper Hills High School, Megan's high school. The address for that is 5445 W. (Grizzly Way) New Bingham Highway and its in West Jordan too. The cost is $20 for a single person, $5 for children, and $30 for a whole family. Please come, it'll be tons of fun:) and if you're worried about how long it will take you don't worry no one really cares;) love you all. Here is a website for more details for more details on the run:) http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=123427884343473&ref=ss

Just so you all can plan. Chris' bday is this Saturday (May 22) and we are going to have a Birthday Open house Party for him. Open house because he is going to be ill. So come one and all to have cake, say "hi" to Chris, and sign a banner for him. NOOOO presents!!! This is just to celebrate a great guy. He has been very ill this weekend. Slept a lot. So I suppose that this next chemo treatment will be worse on him. I haven't got all the party details set yet. I was going to do it at a park but I saw the weather report last night - bad weather of course. I am looking into renting a place in Daybreak. If I do that the party will be in the afternoon (cheaper-hee, hee). If you've got any ideas send them to me my brain is tired and doesn't want to make any decisions:) Katie's bday is Friday (May 21). Chuck E. Cheese here we come. Hey, I made a decision! Actually she did:) It will be a busy weekend - Poor Chris.
Please pass the word around for me. And keep checking back to see if I've made a decision. I better have one by tomorrow.
Love me?! Hee, hee Ricki

Wednesday night the Stake President came over and gave Chris a blessing then Chris gave me and the children each a blessing. It was a very special time. I of course couldn't stop crying especially when he gave me mine. Megan and her friend then went to the Temple.
Thursday morning Chris and I had a hard time getting to the chemo appointment. We just kept "dragging our feet" we left late and then stopped and got a soda at the gas station. As we pulled into the hospital we both sighed. . .
It was hard seeing everyone that we knew there and they were sad for us. Each told us how sorry they were. That after they saw us on Monday (me blubbering) they needed to find out what was happening. They adore Chris. Always so positive, uplifting and funny.
After we were settled Chris, my brother-in-law and I played cards. We brought back lunch for Chris and we were privileged to eat lunch with one of our "cruise buddies" We met her and her wonderful friends in the airport on the way to Tampa (she works at the hospital and has actually done some of Chris' tests-small world). Good times. Wonderful girls (I say "girls" because I'm old enough to be their "older sister" hee, hee).
Chris is taking Gemcitabine , Cisplatin, anti-nausea medicine and he had a bag of potassium (to help his liver). It's heart wrenching to watch the color of the skin change. And so quickly. He came in with pink skin and left with a sickly-yellow color. Not a good color on him:) After chemo we arrived home just in time to get Tay and Jacob from school. We decided to walk to the school not to far but uuuppphill from our house. What a trooper! Kids enjoyed walking home with him. A dear friend brought us dinner last night which was very nice. I figured I could handle making dinner - but it sure was nice just to "hang out" with everyone. Thank you. Thank you. It's amazing how tired you feel after just sitting in a chair all day.
This morning Tay asked me about "freezing" Chris, and then "unfreezing" him. How it might work. He asked me to buy some gold fish today so we could try it (no I haven't. I thought we'd use the cat-hee, hee I can hear some of you screaming right now, you know me and cats!!). He wants to know if after being frozen you can come back to life. Hey, I think I might get my scientist! I keep telling my children I need them to work on finding a cure for cancer. Too late for dad but they could save one of their siblings. They look at me and ask "which one?" Ahhh, sibling rivalry:)
Tomorrow we will show Tay and Rye how to mow the lawn so they can help us out. They are excited. Chris has always done it because he enjoys it. Gets mad if we do it. But I think it's about time that they learn and I will be standing there with the video camera as Chris teaches them.
Now that I've made myself cry.
Love, Ricki

Yesterday I wanted to keep my children home from school and make them hold me (and me hold them:). I didn't only because they have CRT testing and I can't do that to their schools. The testing is to important this is one time I can't be selfish even though I realllyyy wanted too. Instead I tried to stay in bed all day but sweet Katie kept me hopping. It was very sweet she made me lunch, a glass of water and a peeled banana. Everything reminds me of what is to come. Today I started crying during my aerobics class because of the song that was playing. Hard to "release tension" when you're crying. And I cried reallyy hard when I realized that my Verizon phone is probably the last fancy phone I will get and soon I will have a "plan" just like the rest of you. No more being spoiled by employee discounts. Jacob has already showed his teacher that he is upset. He was goofing around in class and his sweet teacher teased him and told him that if he didn't settle down he wouldn't be able to go to Fun Friday activity. Well usually he would have just smiled and then stopped but instead he burst into tears.
Yesterday I did call and schedule dentist, orthodontist appointments and physicals for scout camps. Got to be done while Chris is somewhat well. It's hard to believe that he looks so good you would never know that something was wrong with him That there was a horrible monster attacking his body inside-taking it over.
Our Stake President is coming over tonight to talk with our family and give us each a blessing of comfort. I sure could use one.
Thank you for all your comments (even though they make me cry). They mean a lot to us.
love ya, Ricki

I'm not sure how to start this blog. It has been a verryyy loooongg day. My heart feels like it's about to break. Dr. Whizenant told us that Chris only has 6 months, maybe a year to live. There is no cure for the cancer that he has now and it is VERY aggressive. He has cancer in his back and neck. Soon it will attack his stomach or liver or both at which time it will be fatal. He explained how "the end" usually goes and made us an appointment to meet with the Hospice/Social Worker to discuss questions we have regarding what is going to happen and get counseling. Dr. Whizenant is having Chris do chemotherapy. He will do 2 weeks on 1 off. He will do this until he dies or can't take it any longer. The Dr. told Chris that he doesn't need to be a "hero" that when he needs pain pills or shots that all he needs to do is ask. He said that his back will start hurting soon. His first chemo is this Thursday, he said that it will take 5 hours and than after that they should take about 2 hours. I have cried and cried all day. How can I raise 5 children by myself? All I ever wanted to be was a stay-at-home mom who volunteered at the school and every once in a while cleaned house.
We told the children tonight. Some cried, some ran and hid. Meg went to a friends house to cry. I can't image what is running through their heads. I told them that if they needed to talk or cry to come to us and that if they felt like they couldn't that I would take them to whomever they wanted to talk too. I told them what strong, special spirits they must have been in the premortal existence. This is a reeaallyyy tough trial that they are going to go through. They don't just have a "dad" they have an "amazing dad" who makes a difference in the lives of everyone that he comes in contact with, a positive, full of life, let's play, devoted, hard working, spiritual, stubborn, great example of the church and how to live a righteous life, loves children, funny, (thinks he) knows everything (don't tell him I said that :), full of energy, a fighter, ....
It's going to be hard watching Chris become weaker and weaker.
So many of you ask what you can do for our family, what I ask is that you be patient with each of us especially my children. They are probably going to act out in negative ways or clam shut and not want to participate. Please I beg of you to put yourself in their shoes. The unknown is scary (just ask me). Be patient and loving. This "adventure" for our family is going to be long and difficult. We will get through it. I pray that we will be stronger and will learn what Heavenly Father wants us to learn. We probably won't be very reliable- please forgive us, we used to be. But I'm learning to be flexible and "go with the flow."
I have a strong testimony of Jesus Christ and his sacrifice for me and my family. I know He loves each of us and is there for us. (He's going to get pretty tired of hearing from me:)
Please enjoy Chris. Thank him. Let him know how much he means to you. This has to be verryy tough on him to know that he won't watch his children grow up (I told him he had to fight hard to make it to Meg's graduation this time next year). Katie makes him the most upset, knowing that she will likely not remember him.
For those of you who work with him. Don't let him tell you that he can't go out to lunch because he "has to save money". I told him we will manage. He wants to be at work. He is a hard worker and enjoys his job. He needs to be at work that's how he copes. He wouldn't want to sit at home (I'd just nag him with a "honey do" list). It will be hard on him when the time comes that he can't work.
Pray that Chris and I can help our children (and ourselves) cope with the "adventure" that we are on. We love you all.
Love, Ricki

Just so you know we decided not to find out until Monday. I didn't want the on-call doctor telling me I needed to wait until Monday (then it sounds like bad news), or the doctor tells us the results but can't tell us what the "plan of action" is (chemo, radiation ?) After we get the news we want to be able to make a plan of action, whatever that maybe. Don't leave us hanging! Thank goodness we have a very full weekend and I have such a bad sunburn on the back of my legs that all I can think about is how can I get rid of the pain - more spray, aloe, etc etc. Yes, I used sunscreen but last Saturday I was laying out on deck reading a book and I used the spray sunscreen which I now know "blew" away in the wind. The lady next to me got mad about my sunscreen hitting her, that should have been a clue to me that I didn't have sunscreen on. All week I put sunscreen on first in our cabin - no sunburn (I don't tan, only burn). It's been a miserable week. When I have to go somewhere I wear a skirt. And the cold air and getting in and out of the car just about do me in. I don't tolerate pain well.
For our 20th wedding anniversary we flew to Tampa, FL, boarded a Carnival ship and headed to Grand Cayman where we swam with the sting rays. I fed one (had to hold a piece of squid -ooooh) and the guide put it on my back. Then we went snorkeling. Then to Cozumel where we boarded another boat and went to Tulum to see the Mayan ruins. Next, Roatan where we had the most fun. We did 15 different zip lines through the jungle. Tonssss of fffuuun!!! I held a monkey for $2.00 :) and then we went to the beach where we swam and snorkeled. Last stop:( Belize where we went Cave Tubing. We had so much fun just being together. Being able to take a nap, staying up waaayyy late, getting our own food first, and hanging out with our other adult friends that we took with us and that we met on the ship. (Hope you still like us - hee, hee)
I tried a lot of new foods. That's ONE fun thing about cruises is trying foods that you would never try because of the cost and worry that you wouldn't like it. Which for me would have been a lot of foods. I'm a Food Network junkie so it was fun trying foods that I've heard/seen them using but wasn't into dishing out the money to try them. Wasabi is "nasty" and I don't think I will ever like sushi, lobster bisque, shrimp, the big never again "Escargot" can you believe it?! I tried a SNAIL! Ahhhh ..... I did like Talapia because it doesn't really have a flavor:) Chris and I despise fish!
My dear, sweet, wonderful mother (she definitely deserves a nice mothers day) babysat my wonderful children for 9 days. Thanks Mom, you're absolutely, positively, wonderful!!!!
Thank you so much to everyone who has been praying for our family. This may sound dumb but I seriously felt the prayers, I felt comforted about leaving my children and that Chris would be able to enjoy himself. Which he did. Can you image missing one of those excursions because you were sick? It would have been awful! (and most of the excursions didn't have a bathroom close by or you had to pay to use it). Prayer is a powerful thing. Whatever happens Monday I know Heavenly Father will help us through.
Enjoy your weekend. Happy Mother's Day, to all women!!! Those of you who don't have children of your own remember you do make a difference in other children's lives! (my childrens teachers:)
Love ya. Ricki

We are back from our cruise. We had tonnnss of funnn! Chris did a great job, he was able to go on all of the excursions. Every morning we "drugged" him up and then he was great all day. Saturday which was a sea day he was sick and Monday he was reeallly sick (thank goodness he had taken it off). Tuesday Chris went in for his PET scan, ultrasound and biopsy. I have been reading up on the PET scan, it stands for P- Positron, E- Emission, T- Tomography. I copied a paragh from an article I read so that you can know how it works - pretty amazing! "In cancer, cells begin to grow at a much faster rate, feeding on sugars like glucose. PET works by using a small amount of a radioactive drug called a tracer in combination with a compound such as glucose. Once you are injected with the tracer and glucose, the tracer travels through your body. it emits signals as it travels and eventually collects in the organs targeted for examination. If an area in an organ is cancerous, the signals will be stronger since more glucose will be absorbed in those areas." Chris drank the medicine they gave him and then 45 minutes later he went and laid down with his hands over his head for about another 45 minutes. After that test he went and they did an ultrasound on his shoulder where the lump is. Then they numbed his shoulder where the lump was and took samples from different lumps. They took 5 samples. The Doctor said that Chris was his best patient. Too many people freak out about the length of the needle:) The test results should be done by Friday but our doctor is out of town until Monday. I may call the doctor-on-call and see if he'll tell me anything, but I don't know if I want to know over the phone.
Love, Ricki